Without You
by Jennis524
Summary: FINISHED! Scully is left in the same predicament that she was in two years ago: alone and pregnant, until Mulder and William are returned to her and they find themselves on the run. Please R
1. Lost

Title: Without You

Author: Jennifer Zoromski AKA Jennis524

Spoilers: Pilot, mentions of bits from all seasons, Some from season eight

Category: Scully Angst/MSR/Alternate Ending to series

Rating: PG13

Summery: Scully finds her self in the same predicament that she was in two years ago: alone and pregnant.

Archive: Anywhere--just let me know 

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013, and Fox, I'm just borrowing.

Author's Note: I wrote part of this awhile back and we are going to pretend that Scully had a normal pregnancy with William and had him in February like she should have. Also, William was never given away and Scully didn't go to Quantico, she's still on the X-Files with Doggett.

Anyways, Enjoy! Please R&R, more to come.

***************

__

February 15, 2002

Scully's Apartment

The gentle rocking of an abandoned swing forces me to close my eyes and remember a time when that swing wasn't abandoned. But the image never comes only a black and endless image of self-regret and guilt. 

My arms throb to hold my baby, the child that was my beautiful miracle. My heart aches to love a human being with so much compassion like I loved Mulder. I would give everything I have ever owned, sell my soul, and die for one more minute with William. I'd give everything for a second chance.

But as I stare at the uneaten birthday cake with one candle on it my salvation never comes. I expect to hear his footsteps walking down the wooden hall, but I know that my ears will not hear the intense beat of his heavy shoes. I need to hear a cry from my infant son, but the music of his sounding cries never comes.

The clock on the wall starts to tick away my life.

I have lost everything: Mulder, the love of my life, and William, my angel in disguise. How is one supposed to pick up the pieces of one's life if there is nothing left to live for?

Will and Mulder were killed in a hit and run accident late last night. It hurts to breathe. I told myself that I would be able to live, but I can't. I miss them too damn much.

I try to think back to before Will and Mulder. And after a long time of just sitting and staring out the window I realize that I can't. Somewhere deep with in I blocked out those memories of the time before them. The daylight begins to fade away as the darkness overtakes the silent sun.

I stare off into the nothingness of my deepest despair as my mother tries to comfort me for hours. Her comforting words and arms do not help.

"Dana, honey, you need to eat something," my mom says breaking my trance like state.

I just stare at her. My heart broke into a million pieces the moment I heard the dreaded words that both Mulder and William were dead.

"Dana, talk to me."

I shiver as a cold chill goes down my spine.

"How can we believe in a God that gives us such a cruel fate?" My mother starts to respond, but I continue to talk. I remind her of everything I've ever been through. My abduction where they performed tests on my weakened body leaving me barren and with a chip in my neck was the beginning of my prolonged emotions that have been pent up too long. I continue my bitter rant reminding my mother of my incurable cancer, the loss of a daughter I barely knew. 

I told her that I had lost Mulder once before. I buried him in the cold earth only a little over a year and a half ago, but somehow he was never really dead. He came back to me a different person. Mulder could never fully get over his abduction.

After my raving speech I collapse in a state of exhaustion. My mother stares at me shocked for a moment. I believe she actually felt what I felt for the past eight years. All of the hardships I never expected to have. My mother left me alone in my apartment as she went to visit the outside world.

I just don't fell like doing anything. My body aches for both the touch of my son and Mulder.

The apartment becomes darker as the sun goes down and I find myself sitting alone, staring at nothing. If I strain my ears hard enough I think I can hear my son's laughter echoing through the rooms. If I close my eyes long enough I picture Mulder with his deep hazel gaze, brown hair, his pouty lips, and his dry-wit humor.

And then I completely lose it. 

Sobs rack through my body like a cascading waterfall. Every emotion that I had hid found its way to the surface.

Then I start to remember my life with Mulder: from his suspicious gaze when we first met, to his need to find a truth we both sought desperately for, for eight years.

I remember all of the emotional roller coasters I was put on with Mulder. Starting with when he faked his own death, disappeared, ditched me numerous times, and finally his abduction and death. When I brought him back to life I was so sure that he would never die. He escaped death so many times that it amazes me he made it past the four-year mark, but I think back then it wouldn't have felt like I had absolutely nothing to life for. We were close, but not as close as we had gotten.

I fall asleep in my chair with tears flowing down my face and thoughts of the two guys I loved with my whole heart and soul in my head.

__

Three Days Later--February 18, 2002

St. Joseph's Cemetery

"We lay to rest the bodies of Fox William Mulder and his son William Fox Mulder. Dust to dust; ashes to ashes," the minister recites without blinking an eye.

I block out the droning sounds of the man who was reading the final rites of Mulder and my son. I stare at the tiny white casket that holds my son's small, precious body. Images start to flash before my eyes as I see my son again. I see myself pregnant with him, my miracle, my abdomen swollen with him. It was so easy then I was his protector. Any emotion I felt; he felt. I remember the first time I felt him move with in me. Moments like that got me through the six months without Mulder.

Images of his miraculous birth stream before my eyes. Hearing him cry for the first time was the greatest moment of my life.

Mulder saved us. Mulder saved me. I wish I could thank him for that. He saved me from myself. I would never have made it this far and I wouldn't have experienced the joys of motherhood if it weren't for Mulder.

I stare long and hard at the white casket next to Will's. The man I've loved for nine years lies there in that coffin; never to awaken again or stare at me intently with is deep hazel eyes. I think back over all of the years. I only have known him for ten years, a decade, almost a fourth of my life, but he changed me. He made me a better person; he gave me the courage to believe.

I close my eyes and watch the last ten years on re-wind. I can see Mulder with Will being an awesome father. I watch him, as he was both my friend and finally my lover. I relive my emotions of finding Mulder dead and bringing him back to life. I watch as Mulder and I share a final hug in the J. Edgar Hoover Building before he leaves for Oregon for a final time leaving me alone and pregnant.

I relive the last official case we worked on as agents of the FBI, which ironically involved the same case as our first. 

I watch as Mulder leads me around from finding the truth on his sister, closure of her case, to the Rain Kind, a fluke man, and all the way back to our first case with alien abductees. There are so many memories to remember and watch.

"Dana," my mother whispers in my ear, interrupting my thoughts. I jump slightly, but I open my eyes and stare at my mother.

I nearly start to cry, but for some reason I remain cold as ice.

My mother looks at me worried and she moves toward me trying to comfort me. Surprisingly I don't back down.

"Oh mom," I say starting to bawl, "Please tell me this isn't true, please tell me that that is someone else in those coffins, not my son or Mulder. Please mom make it all go away," I plead with my mother.

She pulls me in closer to her shoulder and I sob, letting go completely.

"Dana, honey, I'm so sorry," she says through her own tears.

We hold one another for a long time. The mourners leave one by one throwing a handful of dirt into the two graves. 

I pull way from my mother as the last mourner leaves. I take a handful of the soft earth in my hands and sprinkle it over Will's grave.

"Goodbye, my beautiful son," I whisper, "Goodbye."

I walk over to Mulder's open grave and pull out a handful of sunflower seeds. I take a seed from the pile for myself and throw the rest in his grave.

"Hope you don't miss these in Heaven, Mulder," I pause regaining my composure. "Mulder, please take care of Will. I need to be assured that he is safe...I love you Mulder. I always have."

As if on cue the leaves start to rustle in the wind. If I strained hard enough I could almost hear Mulder's voice and Will's laugh on the wind. 

Rain starts to poor. I believe the angels were crying for all of this: the complete nothing of my life.

I watch as the dirt becomes mud and I want to jump in Will's grave to keep him warm and safe, but my mother instinctively pulls me away. Three days ago was Will's first birthday, but it was also his last. 

We get to my mom's car, but I don't make it into the car. My world starts to spin as it goes black. I can hear my mother screaming, but the screams fade out as a bright light announces its presence. A figure stands in front of the light. The man looks heavenly. 

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. A new beginning

Title: Without You Part 2

Everything else is in part one

Enjoy!

*************

I blink back tears because I know that I could recognize that tall, lanky figure anywhere.

Mulder stands before me with William on his hip. I stand awe struck as I stare at the two. Mulder has a huge grin on his face that makes his hazel eyes twinkle with delight.

"Mulder," I say hoarsely through the tears, "I thought I'd never see you again."

Mulder's smile falls quickly as he lets Will down. My little baby toddles over to me. I pick my son up. Feeling him is so surreal. His beautiful laugh is music to my ears.

I look back at Mulder questioningly.

"Is this Heaven?" I ask skeptically.

"No, Scully this is the dream world you escape to," Mulder tells me, matter of fact.

He walks closer to me and places his hand on my abdomen like he once did months ago.

"Mulder?" I question.

Mulder moves in to kiss me. I don't resist and kiss him back. How many times have I hungered to kiss his pouty lips just once more in the last three days?  


"You're having my baby," Mulder says in his dry-wit tone.

"What are you talking about?" I ask him, confused. 

But then I start to remember the past few weeks: often trips to the bathroom, dizzy spells, fatigue and the nausea. I couldn't be. It was impossible once to get pregnant, but twice? How likely is that?

"Scully, you've got to take care of yourself. You need to for me--for this kid. I'll always be with you. Believe it or not there is such a thing as guardian angels," he tells me gloating at the fact that he has been right all along about such things as angels.

  
"What about a second chance, Mulder? A parallel universe where I can get you back, get William back?" I say nearly screaming at him.

He smirks at the idea of me believing the paranormal.

"Scully, what the hell has happened to your scientific background? Your cynical ideas?"

"You happened."

The smirk on Mulder's face disappears quickly and he pulls me toward him.

"I'm so sorry, Scully, but you've got to go back. You've got to fight the fight. Fight it for the child that dwells in your womb," he says caressing my hair as he plants a kiss on my forehead.

"I don't think I can do it without you. I need you," I plead with him.

"I'm always with you, Scully, fight for us." 

Mulder fades from my vision along with William. His voice echoes through my memory as I struggle to open my eyes.

"Dana, honey, its Mom." I hear very faintly at first, but I come out of my dream-like state. 

After minutes of a hard struggle I succeed in opening my eyes. My mother sits next to me, her head down in defeat. Nothing stirs in the quiet room; except for the monitor registering my heart beat. Still strong and steady.

I squeeze my mom's hand tightly. She reacts slowly, not believing it. My mom finally locks her eyes on me.

"Hi," I whisper.

She doesn't respond as my mother grabs me and hugs me, holding on for dear life.

"I thought I had lost you," my mother says tears forming in her eyes.

I shake my head. Looking around the small, dim, hospital room I see an IV hooked up to my arm and the machine that is monitoring my steady heartbeat.

"Mom, what happened to me?" I inquire, whispering.

"I'll call your doctor and he can talk to you. He wouldn't tell me much more than that you are going to be just fine."

I watch her leave the room and place my hand on my abdomen thinking of the relationship that I had with my mother. It was something that obviously had its ups and downs, but she is all I have left, except for this child.

Footsteps echo outside my room and get closer. Instinctively I pull my hand off my abdomen remembering the early days of my pregnancy with William. I had those rare moments where I could touch my abdomen and feel some sort of connection with him. During those days I couldn't let others see me, I thought that they'd use the pregnancy against me in the search for Mulder.

A young man in a white coat walks through my hospital door, looking at his chart.

"Ms. Scully, how are you feeling?" 

"I'm fine," I tell him, knowing that it isn't true. Buddy, do you want to know how I feel? I've lost the two most important people in my life and you wonder how I'm feeling?

"Do you know what happened to you?" Doogie asks.

"I passed out and woke up here. What exactly is wrong with me?" I question already knowing the answer.

"Ms. Scully, I'm happy to tell you that you are pregnant," he tells me, beaming. I wonder just how many times Doogie here has told someone that they are expecting.

Even though I had some sort of intuition to it and all the signs of pregnancy were there it is still shocking to here someone else tell me. Another child. Another miracle that probably shouldn't have happened. For Christ-sake's I'm almost 38 years old and I have no one to help me raise this child.

I smirk at the situation. Just two years before I was in the same predicament--pregnant and alone. And this time I know that Mulder will never be home. He'll never come back to me and neither will my son, the child that I thought I'd never have.

"Ms. Scully?" the young doctor says, breaking my trance-like state.

"I'm sorry?"

"I said that you should make an appointment with the doctor that delivered your son. You appear to be almost 6 weeks," he says as my mom walks through the door.

"I'll check on you later," he says and sheepishly grins at my mother as he walks out of the room.

At this moment I don't even want to look at my mother so I stare at my hands. She watches me, trying to figure out what is going on with me, what the doctor said.

I finally direct my gaze at her, my eyes full of tears.

"Mom, I...um...I'm pregnant," I say breaking into sobs.

"Oh Dana," she rushes to my side and holds me.

"What am I going to do?" I whimper holding onto my mother for the first time in about thirty-four years. 

"I don't know, honey, but you'll get through this. Dana, you have always been the strong one in the family and you'll find a way," my mom whispers.

Tears continue streaming down my face. Me the strong one? I've always been the strong one, but Mulder was the one I'd lean on. I'd play the strong one, but he and I dealt with everything together. He'd lean on me and I'd lean on him. We were an amazing pair and I don't know how I'll get through. I don't know if I want to--if I can.

"Mom, I..."

"What, Dana?"

"I can't do this alone," I finally tell her, sobs racking through my body.

"I'll always be here for you sweetheart."

She takes me and wraps me in a deep hug.

"I know, Mom, I know"

__

J. Edgar Hoover Building 

X-Files Office

March 4, 2002

Walking down the basement hallway that I always used to bring back tons of memories. 

I stop and stare at the blank door. His nameplate is now gone, only two boltholes are left.

I close my eyes and remember.

__

"Nobody down here, except the FBI's most unwanted," Mulder says through the closed door.

Still watching his figure hunched over a slide reel I smile.

"I'm Dana Scully, I've been assigned to work with you," I tell him naively.

"I was under the impression you were sent to spy on me."

"Agent Scully, I didn't expect to see you back soon," Doggett says bringing me back to the present.

I turn around startled and look at the man that I've worked with for over two years.

"Agent Doggett, you startled me," I tell him as I proceed to open the door and walk into the office.

He shrugs an apology and heads for his desk in the office--the newer of the two.

I head to mine, Mulder's desk. Sitting down and looking at the cluttered mess on the desk gives me something to do.

I grab at the first file in the stack on the desk and start to rummage through it. Another unexplained alien abduction.

After awhile I somehow managed to swivel my chair around and I must have been staring at the 'I WANT TO BELIEVE' poster.

"I'm sorry, Dana," Agent Doggett says now standing in front of my desk. "I know that this isn't consolation to you, but I know exactly how you feel and I just wanted you to know that I'll always be here for you to talk to."

I stare at the poster a minute longer and then swivel the chair back around. "I know, John, thanks."

TO BE CONTINUED

More to come, stay tuned!


	3. A breakdown

Title: Without You Part Three

All other things in part one

Enjoy!

**************

March 11, 2002

6:45 a.m.

Walking through the door of the X-files' office has gotten harder and harder every day that I've done it. I expect to see Mulder hunched over a file reading intently, expertly cracking his sunflower seeds. But for the past week, nothing.

Today is no different. The office is quiet and not even Agent Doggett is here this early in the morning. I know that it isn't the best thing to do coming in this early in the morning, but my apartment is so lonely. 

Of all the people that go in and out of my life everyday the only two that I want to see aren't here any longer. All I have to keep me going is the unborn child that I now carry.

"God-damn it, Mulder why'd you have to leave me again?" I whisper into the darkened basement office. "I don't have the strength to do this on my own."

Nothing.

As I expected he wouldn't respond. Sitting down at Mulder's desk I let out a long sigh. I open the desk drawer and pull out his name plate, running my fingers over his name.

'SPECIAL AGENT FOX MULDER'

I can hardly see his face any longer and its only been three weeks. Three long weeks that I barely drug my self through. I remember his deep hazel eyes and the intense stare that he would always have when he had the greatest theory. 

He was always searching for a truth, for his truth and he never found it. But maybe we did find it.

__

Holding onto our tiny infant son in my arms I proceed closer to Mulder. His grin widen as he pulls back the blanket covering the child's face. Carefully he takes our child into his arms, looking at him in awe.

"What are you going to call him?" Mulder inquires whispering softly as he continues to look at the small child.

"William," I say pausing, "After your father." 

"You know he has your coloring and your eyes, but he suspiciously looks like Assistant Director Skinner," Mulder says playfully.

I laugh at his joke, but I stop to watch the two of them. A bond already forming between father and son and I realize what I...what we could have lost.

"I don't understand it Mulder. They came to take him from us...why the didn't" I say quietly watching the love of my life and my infant son.

"I don't quite understand that either except that maybe he isn't what they thought he was...but that doesn't make him any less of a miracle, now does it?" Mulder inquires looking up at me.

I shake my head, "From the moment I became pregnant I feared the truth about how...and why. And I know that you feared it too."

"I think that we feared the possibilities--the truth we both know."

"Which is what?" I inquire staring into his beautiful eyes.

Mulder leans in taking me in a romantic kiss with our son in between us. Some how, some way our child was our miracle, Mulder and mine not any one else's.

"Agent Scully?" Doggett's voice says interrupting my thoughts of Mulder and William.

"I'm sorry?" I say shocked that he was standing there in front of me.

He stares at me intently for a moment, sensing that something isn't quite right.

"Are you okay, Agent Scully?" Doggett inquires.

"I'm fine..." I tell him, trying to put on a smile, but I don't succeed.

As hard as I try to hold it back, tears well up in my eyes. I could blame the emotions on the hormonal changes in my body or I could just face the facts that I'm not fine.

Doggett continues to stare as I stand up quickly trying to show him that I'm fine. But my knees turn to jelly and my head starts to spin as I try and hold myself up.

Within seconds Doggett is at my side, helping me back into my chair.

"Agent Scully, You're not 'fine'" he says.

I bite my lip and nod, trying to hold back the tears that have formed in the corners of my eyes. 

"I'm just tired. I couldn't sleep last night," I tell him pathetically.

"Why don't you go home, get some sleep and see how you feel when you wake up," Doggett states.

I nod in agreement and stand up again, slower. 

"On second thought, Agent Scully, why don't I give you a ride home. I don't think you should be driving."

"Really, Agent Doggett, I'll be fine," I respond knowing deep down that I wouldn't be.

"Dana, you can't even stand up without feeling dizzy, I couldn't imagine you driving home," he says already grabbing his coat and ushering me out the door.

"But I need my car, John. I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon," I say wearily.

He continues to usher me towards the elevator, hitting the button and stewing a plan over in his head.

"Agent Doggett, I really appreciate this, but--"

"--No buts, Agent Scully, I'm giving you a ride home and I'll come and pick you up for your appointment. I am sure that I can get away from the paperwork for a few hours," Doggett says forcefully.

The elevator door opens on the main floor and look at him defeated.

"Fine." 

On the ride home I must have dozed off along the way because before I knew it we were sitting outside my apartment building.

"Agent Scully, wake up," Doggett says as he gently shakes me awake.

I blink away the blurriness and stare at Doggett for a moment, realizing that if I would have driven home I probably would have found myself wrapped around a tree.

He gets out of the car and helps me out. The dizziness hits right away. During my pregnancy with William I don't ever remember being dizzy, I remember the morning sickness that lasted all day, but the dizziness was something I didn't have.

And then it hits me--when was the last time I had something to eat? Have I really neglected myself that much in the past few weeks. 

As all this is going through my head Doggett continues to help me up to my apartment. He stops at the door and I get out my key. Agent Doggett takes it from me and opens the door.

"What times your appointment at?" he inquires still stubborn about driving me to the doctor.

"Really, John, I could get my mother to come and give me a ride. You don't need to do this," I tell him as I find my way to my couch.

"It isn't any trouble," he assures me.

"Two o'clock," I say finally giving in.

My eyes continue to get heavy and I'm so tired. The door clicks behind Doggett as he leaves.

"Scully, you've got to stay strong," Mulder says in the darkness of my mind.

"I know, Mulder, but its so hard."

"Fight for this child, Scully. It's the only piece that you have left of me and of William."

Mulder fades away quickly from the dream world as it turns to total darkness.

KNOCK, KNOCK, echoes through the apartment and I pull myself up off the couch groggily looking at the clock.

1:30.

"Agent Scully, It's Agent Doggett," Doggett yells through the door.

I stand up and head for the door, feeling a little bit more refreshed, but still very dizzy. 

Doggett's face tells it all. He's horribly concerned about me and I know that I'm an ass for always assuring everyone that I'm perfectly fine.

"How was your nap, Agent Scully?" Doggett inquires, trying to break the tension.

"I feel a lot better," I pause and then open the door wider, "You can come in."

I head for the kitchen and grab a banana to eat. 

"Ready to go, Agent Scully?" Doggett asks.

I just nod, realizing that I'm lucky to have been paired with such a considerate person, but it should have been Mulder taking me to our first appointment. It should have been Mulder being concerned with the dizziness and the nausea, but he's not here.

It finally hits me after just walking around in a daze for three weeks--Mulder is never coming back. He's gone.

He's no longer alive.

Dead.

At that point I start to sob uncontrollably, trying to hold it back, but I reach the point where the sobs shake my body.

Doggett reaches out and I hold back for a moment before I collapse, crying on his shoulder. He knows what I'm going through, but I start to cry harder knowing that like Doggett slowly let go of his son, in time I'd have to let go of Mulder and my own son and start to live again.

I don't think I'm ready for that. But as the child grows within my womb I will have to start to live again--for this child and for me.

TO BE CONTINUED

Stay tuned for part four and beyond! Please read and review

__


	4. A surprise

Title: Without You Part Four

Everything else is in part one

Enjoy! Please R&R

***************

Mercy Clinic 

Georgetown 

2:30 p.m.

I hate waiting rooms. I always have. Doggett sits next to me waiting patiently like any one else in the room, but he doesn't have any idea why I'm here. I haven't had the heart to tell him.

Like it was two years ago, I was afraid to tell him. Afraid to let this man into even a teeny part of my heart. I've worked with him for almost two years and I have come to respect this man.

Even on the verge of trust, but it has been so much harder to trust a second time around. I was much like Mulder when Doggett was assigned to the X-Files. I had thought that he was there to close the door on that office and shut it down, not even letting me find Mulder, but we found him. 

"Dana Scully," a nurse calls out into the crowded waiting room.

I stand up and head towards the door that leads to the examining room.

"Is that your husband?" the nurse inquires looking back at an uncomfortable Doggett.

I shake my head, "He's just a friend. My husband couldn't make it."

He'd never make it again. Even though Mulder and I were never married we were so much like a married couple. I think our relationship was deeper than a lot of married couples, but that relationship that we formed was rooted in trust and respect for one another.

The nurse turns back to Doggett again, "Sir, would you like to come back as well?" 

The damn nurse just doesn't know when to stop. Doggett looks at me for some sort of answer. He definitely looks uncomfortable sitting out in this waiting room filled with young couples and tiny babies.

I nod and Doggett nearly jumps up out of his seat, thanking me with his eyes because he wouldn't have to sit out in that waiting room.

"Agent Scully, would you care to tell me what exactly you are here for?" he inquires confused.

Before I can respond we reach a door that the nurse ushers us into. 

An examining table along with an ultrasound machine and a few chairs populate the otherwise desolate examining room. The nurse hands me a clipboard.

"Dr. Ziebarth will be with you in a few minutes, but while you wait here are some forms for you to fill out," she says and leaves the room.

I stare down at the clipboard.

Hmm.. this shouldn't be too hard. I easily answer all of the questions. Have you had a terminal illness? Surgery? A previous child? Been hospitalized with in the past few weeks? I can't imagine what some doctors would say if they saw my chart. It's a medical gold mine. 

Footsteps echo outside the door and I look up from the completed form. A tall man with black hair and shining blue eyes enters looking at my chart. 

Dr. Ziebarth, the doctor that I've trusted for the past year of Will's life for everything from an earache to his first tooth looks up from my chart.

"Dana, it's nice to see you again," he says warmly.

Dr. Ziebarth looks at Doggett and then back at me before he extends his hand, "I don't believe we've met. I'm Dr. Ziebarth and you are?"

"John Doggett, I work with Dana and I didn't want her to drive here on her own after experiencing some dizzy spells this morning," Doggett says.

The doctor nods, "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

Dr. Ziebarth studies my chart for a moment longer and then looks back up at me.

"Dana, why don't you hop up on the examining table and we'll get the ultrasound machine going to determine how far along you are," Dr. Ziebarth tells me.

He starts the ultrasound machine and prepares for the room for the examination.

I start to stand, but the dizziness hits again and I nearly fall over. Doggett supports me immediately and helps me over to the examining table.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me, Agent Scully?" Doggett whispers somewhat angrily out of earshot of the doctor.

"I didn't think it was necessary," I whisper back.

Dr. Ziebarth turns his attention back to me lying on the examining table.

"Now this might be a little chilly," he says as he places the gel on my abdomen and starts to go over it.

Seconds later a tiny peanut shape pops up on the screen. Tears start to form in the corners of my eyes as I gaze at the tiny life growing inside of me. This child is all that I have left of Mulder. All that I have left of the relationship that we had just three weeks ago. Seeing that tiny image on the screen brings a reality to it all. 

The man standing next to me should be Mulder, but it is Doggett and deep down I know that if it couldn't be Mulder next to me then I'd be happy to know that Doggett was there. 

He too is staring intently at the tiny peanut on the screen. Doggett's expression says it all: the last time he saw an ultrasound of a child was that of his son Luke's. I reach out and grab onto his hand.

Doggett looks down at me and smiles. 

"It appears to me that you are nearly eight weeks pregnant," Dr. Ziebarth says as he moves the wand towards where the beating heart is.

I smile at the sight of it.

Dr. Ziebarth turns the volume up on the machine the room is filled with the sound of the strong heartbeat.

"Do you hear that?" Dr. Ziebarth inquires.

"Hear what?" I ask, starting to panic.

Dr. Ziebarth smiles at me reassuringly and then moves the wand over my belly again.

"Look here, Dana, do you see that?" he inquires.

I stare at the screen for a long minute, trying to figure out what he wants me to see.

Doggett, too, is staring at the screen, just as confused as I am. Finally, the silence in the room is broken by Doggett's New Yorker voice, "That almost looks like there are two heartbeats on the screen."

Dr. Ziebarth nods, smiling. 

And then it hits me, two heartbeats on the screen, and the sound of two hearts beating. It can't be. It just can't be.

"Oh my, God," I utter looking from Doggett back to Dr. Ziebarth.

"Its twins Dana, congrats," Dr. Ziebarth says beaming.

I stare at the screen long and hard and then my world starts to go black as I feel myself falling into the darkness in my mind, falling into my oblivion. 

*************

TO BE CONTINUED

Stay tuned for part five!

__


	5. A case

Title: Without You Part Five

All other disclaimers & information are in the first part

Enjoy!

**************

March 15, 2002

Scully's Apartment

7:00 p.m.

A loud knock echoes through the apartment and I reluctantly get up out of my chair. It has been the first time in awhile where I've been able to relax without running to the bathroom every five minutes.

Upon opening the door I find myself face to face with my mother. 

"Dana, I hope this isn't a bad time," she says looking into my dimly lit apartment.

"No, I was just resting. Come on in," I tell her opening the door. "What brings you to this part of the neighborhood, Mom?"

"I just wanted to check up on you since I haven't been able to contact you lately." 

"I've been busy," I say quickly...too quickly.

"Dana, you know that I'm always here for you," she says motherly.

"Yeah, Mom, I know." 

I walk deeper into my apartment and turn on a lamp--the first light that has been turned on in this apartment since Mulder died. You know I was actually getting used to the darkness. It brought a side in myself that I never knew that I had. A side where I could sit in the dark, numbly thinking of nothing in particular. 

My mom follows me into the kitchen as I offer her something to drink. As I get her a glass of ice water she has found herself over by my refrigerator where an ultrasound picture hangs.

"Dana how did your doctor's appointment go?" my mom inquires.

I turn away from the glass of ice water and watch her as she studies the ultrasound picture. The first picture of her grandchildren.

"You know Dana, if I didn't know any better it looks as though there are two babies," she says, naively.

Silence passes between us. I used to hate silence, but during the years of working with Mulder some of the best things that were ever said to one another were during the silence. One look could communicate so many thoughts and ideas that any series of words could never fully describe. 

"Dana?" my mom asks, again, startling me.

"Hmm?" 

"What did you doctor say?" 

"He said that I'm going to have...twins," I whisper.

Tears start to trickle down my face and I don't even realize that I'm crying until my mom comes and wipes one of the tears away. These God-damn hormones have already kicked in and I've still got another seven months. 

Seven months that I should be spending with Mulder. When will I be able to think of one event in my life and not think of the should's or the would's, but rather just savoring the moment? Maybe it is all part of the healing process. All part of moving on.

My mom pulls me into an embrace and starts to cry with me. She too is afraid for me. Afraid for the lives of my two children--afraid that I will be hurt again by death...maybe by one of their deaths.

__

March 30, 2002

X-Files Office

9:03 a.m.

Thirty-three minutes.

I run into the office late. It's not that we keep office hours or anything, but I hate being late, especially being a female agent in a profession where men greatly outnumber the women and nothing is equal.

Doggett isn't anywhere to be seen. Great. I nearly break my neck trying to get here and he isn't even here. I walk into the office and head over to my usual corner. But today I feel strongly drawn to the wall near my...Mulder's desk. 

Staring at the 'I WANT TO BELIEVE' poster brings a sort of calmness over me. Slowly I place my hand onto my already expanding abdomen. At nearly three months along my waistline has already started to expand. I guess with this being the second pregnancy along with twins I'm bound to start showing. But barely anyone else in the Bureau knows. Skinner knows, as well as Doggett, but I have done my part by discreetly hiding my tiny bulge under dark clothes and long blazers.

Footsteps echo along the corridor outside the office. I continue to stare at the poster on the wall already knowing the footsteps are Doggett's. As he reaches the door I turn around quickly and greet him.

"Agent Scully how're you feeling today?" he inquires.

"I'm fine Agent Doggett," I assure him.

I turn back to my desk and sit down starting to shuffle through the files.

"You're late, Agent Scully," he finally says breaking the silence.

"If I recall, Agent Doggett you came in the door after I did," I counter.

"Actually, I've been here since seven this morning going over a case that Skinner has dropped into my lap. I just stepped out to get some coffee."

Doggett stares at me intently for a moment. I hate that when he tries to figure out how I'm feeling or if I'm going to make it through the day.

"What was the case about?" I question becoming curious.

"It's not important because I told A.D. Skinner that I didn't think that we should take it," he says looking up from what he was reading at his desk.

I shake my head, frustrated, that he is trying to protect me. "Agent Doggett, if you haven't forgotten pregnancy is not a disease it is just a condition and as far as I'm concerned and as far as my doctor's concerned I can still work."

The look on his face shows more. It has something to do with the past something to do with the life that I once had with Mulder. He's trying to protect me emotionally.

"It's not that Agent Scully--" he pauses.

"--Well then what is it about?" I interrupt.

He hesitates, knowing that he shouldn't tell me.

"Agent Doggett, I won't break. This is my job, what is the case about?"

"A young couple claims to have given birth to a baby that is not human--a child that is much like what William was," Doggett finally says.

TO BE CONTINUED 

More to come! Stay tuned!

__


	6. Plane Ride

Title: Without You Part Six

All other information is in first part. Please R&R and Enjoy!

*************

Somewhere over Nebraska

2:09 p.m.

I've always hated airplanes. I remember the first time that Mulder swept me out of the office and onto a plane heading for Oregon. That was the beginning of many last minute flights or early morning plane rides to who knows where.

But as I turn my head to look at the person next to me all I see is John Doggett. He sleeps with his head leaning on the back of his seat, slightly snoring. It amazes me that he can sleep on a plane.   


I haven't been able to sleep well in the past few weeks and I know that flying in a plane only makes my paranoia worse. I place my hand on my abdomen and gently rub. It takes me closer to the two infants that grow in my womb. These kids will never have a father to raise them. All they'll have is pictures and memories of mine. They'll never know the older brother that proceeded them or the older sister that I hardly knew myself.

Somewhere along the way tears must have been flowing down my face. I sniffle, wiping them away. 

I'm afraid of what we are going to find in Nevada. I'm afraid of what that couple might have went through and I'm scared of what emotions it will bring back to me. Memories and emotions of William and of Mulder.

I wipe way the tears that continue to flow, trying to stifle back my sobs. Doggett's eyes open and he turns to me hearing the muffled sobbing on my part.

"Dana, you okay?" Doggett asks obviously concerned that it has something to do with the twins considering the fact that my hand was still on my abdomen.

I just nod my head.

He puts an arm around me trying to reassure me and pulls me into his chest. I try to hold back the sobs. In my mind I've done enough crying for the rest of my life and I hate feeling so vulnerable.

"It's okay, Dana, cry if you have to. Scream. You need to let your emotions out. It can't be good for the babies if you hold it all in," he pauses, "Or for you."

I nod and fall exhausted into his chest. The world around me starts to get hazy and I feel safe in his arms. It is the safeness that I used to feel in Mulder's arms...or any man's arms. Even though on the outside I'm tough, I have always been afraid of being abandoned...of being alone and in danger. 

At first the dream world that I often retreat to is unusually dark, but then out of the darkness Mulder emerges.

"Scully," he whispers.

I just smile at him and run into his arms. He pulls me back placing his hand on my expanding stomach. 

"How're you doing?" Mulder inquires.

"I miss you so much, Mulder. And I miss William," I tell him smiling because I'm so happy to see him in my dream world again.

"We miss you too, Scully, but you've got to keep on. You can't give up. Even when it seems impossible you have to remember that you'll have someone to lean on. John's there for you. Let him in," Mulder tells me as if he is giving his blessing for me to start to let go of him and let Doggett into my barricaded heart.

"I'm not ready to let go, Mulder. I don't want to forget you," I say.

"You don't have to forget, Scully. I don't want you to forget, but I want you to laugh again, to smile, and to work again."

Mulder holds me for a long time. Neither of us speak. We don't have to. Even in my dream world no words are needed for us. Words were hardly ever needed.

Mulder starts to fade away along with his gentle voice and the laughter of our son goes into the darkness of my mind. Bright lights hurt my eyes and I start to wake up. 

"Please, fasten, your seatbelts. We are making our final descent into Reno, Nevada," the stewardess says over the loud speaker.

Doggett turns to me, "You ready for this?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

********

TO BE CONTINUED

Stay tuned for more! R&R

__


	7. oh my god!

Title: Without You Chapter Seven

All other disclaimers, etc. are in part one

Enjoy!

**************

__

April 2, 2002

Gold City, Nevada

County Medical Examiner's Office

"Are you sure that the substance that I gave you was unrecognizable?" I ask staring into the eyes of the medical examiner. 

Gold City. Population 792. And they have a medical examiner. If anything that should be the X-file.

"I'm positive, Doctor Scully. I've never seen anything like it," he pauses, "Where did you get this sample?"

"An infant's crib."

I walk out of the room without so much as an explanation to him. He wouldn't understand it anyways. Doggett sits in a chair outside the glass of the window dazing off into space.

"Well?" he asks when he finally spots me.

"The substance we found is not identifiable. We need to find this couple and their child because I think--"

"--that they are in danger," Doggett finishes for me, "I'm already one step ahead of you, Agent Scully."

He motions towards a room across the hall. A young brunette with brown eyes sits rocking her infant son, scared for the life of the child as well as her own life. A tall man with blond hair and blue eyes watches over her protectively. The happy family. 

I turn to head towards the door, but Agent Doggett stops me, turning me around.

"Dana, they are scared for their lives as well as their child's. I would strongly suggest that you don't say anything that would give them the impression to high tail it out of town. They might be able to help us find that truth that you've been looking for. To find Mulder's truth."

My gaze somehow finds its way back to John Doggett and the compassion in his eyes. He shouldn't be stuck with me finding Mulder's truth that became mine over the years. John should be living a life without the hassle of a government conspiracy and a partner with crackpot theories.

"John, maybe its time to stop," I tell him, my gaze becoming icy.

"Stop?" he asks confused.

"I don't want to drag you around looking for my salvation, Mulder's truth. You have another life to be living. You have people that can return the love that you show, a love that I can only return as friendship and compassion. Go back to Washington D.C. Get out of the hell whole that you've been placed in and--"

"--Agent Scully, don't you get it? I am not the type that leaves vulnerable, emotional women on the other side of the country. It's not in my job description."

I put my head down in defeat. 

"Fine."

Walking into the room with the gaze of two young parents on me is almost too much. Their son starts to fuss.

"Are you the person that is going to help us?" the young mother asks.

"I'm gong to try. My name is Dana Scully. I'm with the FBI and we've seen a few cases similar to yours," I tell her trying to reassure her.

A case that was mine. A case that involved my family, my child, and the love of my life. And now here I am trying to help a young couple cope with the anomaly that has befell their child.

"I'm Tessa and this is my husband, Mark, and our son, Jamie," the quite woman says.

"How can you help us?" Mark speaks up.

I look at the couple long and hard, trying to figure out the best way to ask them if their child has been controlling objects with his mind. 

Upon asking such a question they requested to see my badge, not believing that I am who I say I am. 

After a few more questions I finally realize that this child is indeed like William. He has all of the same symptoms that William had, but the thing that strikes me as odd is the fact that with William they needed him or Mulder, but these people are nobody to the cause or the alien invasion.

"Roswell, New Mexico, is your only safe bet," I finally tell them.

"Roswell?" Tessa questions.

I explain to them the things that I saw when I followed Mulder into a rock quarry and the fact that the super soldiers were destructible when exposed to the rock in that quarry.

Half an hour later the couple leaves. Tessa holds onto her son, Jamie, tightly not wanting to let him go while Mark puts a protective arm around his wife.

I watch as they go out the door and put my head down on the desk in defeat. Another day done, another couple helped, but my emotions have finally freed themselves. 

I was like her once. Scared for the life of my son because I didn't know who or what he was. But the odd thing is the fact that I didn't have Mulder with me during that time either. I was scared and alone, much like I am now.

"Dana?" Doggett asks from the doorway.

"They are going to Roswell. They'll be safe there and will be able to raise their son," I tell him, my lip starting to quiver. "It's not fair--" I barely whisper.

"Agent Scully, its been a long day. Why don't we go get something to eat and head back to the motel. You need to get some sleep," Doggett says helping me up and ushering me out the door.

"They get to go on and live their lives. I have nothing," I sob.

"But you do!" he tells me, "You have your babies, you mother, and the memories of the life you had with Mulder and William. And besides you've got some great friends." 

Doggett puts his arm around me reassuring me and walks with me out the door.

"John, the truth will never be found," I whisper.

"Why not?" 

"Because I think deep down the thing that was always driving Mulder was the need to find his sister and expose the men in the government that took her. And somewhere along the way his quest for the truth became mine as well, but there is nothing there any longer." I pause, "No driving force."

"There will always be a driving force to solve these cases that everyone else throws out in the garbage."

I don't say anything. I don't need to. Deep down I think John saved me at that moment from shutting down the X-files. He saved me from closing the door on finding the truth--any truth that would give us justification and vindication. 

__

May 15, 2002

Scully's Apartment

Another month has gone by.

Another anniversary to observe. Three months now that I have been without Mulder and Will. Three long months that seem to have dragged on for a lifetime.

I hate it when the fifteenth of the month rolls around. It is hard to get through the day knowing that another month has passed. Just a week ago I was angry with myself for trying to move on. Mulder and Will have only been dead for 11 weeks, I told myself--I can't let go that quickly.

The clock on the wall ticks.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

I can't stand it any longer.

Hours later I find myself in a much more sedative mood. Perhaps, since the day is almost over or maybe because it has been just a good day to relax. And do absolutely nothing.

A person would never realize how lonely life could be until they experienced the life full of hectic schedules and endless discussions.

Golden rays from the setting sun stream into my living room as I lay on the couch with a book propped up. I can't concentrate though, as I continue to feel tiny, but profound kicks from within. It is amazing to feel them kicking. At 18 weeks along I definitely have a little belly that protrudes outward, making its presence known. 

I run my hand over my stomach in awe. Every time I do that I'm still shocked and amazed that I have two babies growing inside of me considering the fact that three years ago I didn't even think that I could get pregnant, let alone with twins.

__

Ring 

__

Ring

Ring

The phone screams. 

"Hello?" 

"Scully?" the voice seems so distant, yet I recognize it almost immediately.

"Oh my, God!" I whisper into the phone.

"It's me...Mulder."

******************

hehe....R&R

TO BE CONTINUED 

More to come! Stay tuned!

__


	8. dead man walking

Title: Without You, Part Eight

All other information is in the first part.

********

__

May 16, 2002

2:19 a.m.

Thunder echoes through my small apartment and I wake with a start. 

Mulder.

Was it a dream? Did he really call?

I don't remember what happened after that. I pray to God that somehow, someway I didn't dream the phone call. His voice was too real. The way he said my name sent shivers down my spine.

The phone starts to ring, I hurry to the phone. 

Hoping.

Praying that it is Mulder.

"Hello?" 

"Scully, it's Walter Skinner," the voice on the other end says.

Damn. So much for wishful thinking.

"Sir? What is going on at two in the morning?" I ask somewhat scared of what he might say.

A long pause passes between us and he clears his throat.

"I need you to get down to Georgetown Memorial Hospital as soon as you can," he says urgently.

"Why, sir?" I inquire intently.

"I'd prefer not to talk about it over the phone."

"All right, sir, I'll be there as quick as I can."

__

Georgetown Memorial Hospital

4:23 a.m.

Skinner and Doggett stand in the lobby with a few other officers that look both FBI and police.

I hurry up to them, my eyes obviously telling them that I can't figure out what the hell is going on.

"Sir? Agent Doggett? What's going on?" I ask looking back and forth between Doggett and Skinner.

Dogget clears his throat and finally his eyes meet mine. The look in his eyes...I've seen it before. He's hurt. Not for himself, but rather for someone else. I saw that look the day of Mulder and Will's funeral. Oh please, God not again.

"I don't know how this is even possible, but umm...there was an accident."

"An accident?" 

What the hell is he talking about? Who? 

"A truck driver radioed in that it appeared that there was a dead body off to the side of the road--"

"--who the hell is it?" I ask getting angry.

"But the thing is that the person was not dead, but seriously injured." he pauses his blue eyes studying my own. "They found a man that appears to be...Mulder."

"Oh my God," I whisper and then I feel the world start to spin around me as my knees go weak.

I'm falling into the dark oblivion that I thought I'd never see again. A place I went to only in the deepest and darkest of pain. All is a dark nothingness.

**********

TO BE CONTINUED

more to come!

Stay tuned!


	9. darkest hour

__

Hours Later

I'm floating through the darkness that so often dwells within me. The past few months it has gotten considerably worse. Days have gone by where I feel as though I'm completely fine and then the darkness returns. Mulder is always there in my dream world. 

Memories of us and of our son are always present every time that I close my eyes. When it rains I feel as though the Heavens are weeping for me and I desperately want to go into my world of memories. 

I remember the first day that I met Mulder, I remember everything that we did together and I wish that I could go back to then. Back to a time when it was so much easier. Back to before the unresolved sexual tension was too much and I couldn't wait to go to work everyday. Those were the times that I loved walking into the office ready for our daily dose of bantering between the two of us.

Where did the time go? But then again, I don't think I would have wanted to miss out on having a son, our son. A child that was formed out of a mutual bond of love, respect, and deeply rooted in friendship. 

So much to think of when I find myself floating aimlessly in a world of nothing. 

I don't even remember where I'm at. 

A bright light burns my eyes. If this is supposed to be the prophetic 'bright light' then I'd rather retreat back to my dark world. At least it doesn't hurt as much and I have my boys there.

"Dana--"

That voice is so familiar. Whose is it?

"Dana, honey, open your eyes," she whispers. It's my mom. 

Slowly I open my eyes staring up at her, questioning my surrounding almost immediately. 

White. Everything's white.

I'm in a hospital room. Who's sick?

My eyes start to focus in more and I realize I'm the one who's sick. I'm the one that is in need of medical assistance and I don't remember why. 

"How'd I get here?" I ask still in a haze.

"You passed out in the hallway six hours ago," she says quietly stopping abruptly. She has more to say, but she won't say it.

And then I remember.

"Mulder. Where's Mulder?" 

The pained expression on her face tells it all. He was never here. I must have dreamed the whole thing. In my pregnant state of delirium, I thought that Mulder called me and then he was found on the side of the road after three months of being presumed dead.

Heavy feet echo outside my door and slowly the heavy wooden plank opens. Doggett walks through the door wearing a somber expression upon his face.

"Mrs. Scully, can I have a minute?"

My mother nods and gets up from her bedside vigil.

"I'll be right outside if you need me," she says in a motherly tone.

Silence passes between us as I stare at Agent Doggett. The number of questions running through my head is infinite.

"What's going on?" I finally inquire, my gaze piercing into his.

Doggett clears his throat and nervously tugs at his tie. "Agent Scully, I hate to give you this bad news, but the man that we found is in serious shape."

"Is it Mulder?" 

Again, the silence.

"John, answer me," I tell him forcefully.

"I can't."

"I need to know."

"I don't want to see you go through this again," he starts.

"John, if that man is Mulder then I have a right to find answers, I have a right to know," I tell him angrily.

A long uncomfortable pause passes between us. Goddamn it. I hate the silence. Always have, probably always will.

"Its Mulder," he finally utters.

"I have to see him," I whisper.

********

TO BE CONTINUED

Stay Tuned!

More to come 

R&R


	10. Hazel eyes

Title: Without You Part Ten

All other information in part one.

************

Of all of the things that I have ever felt in my life from the meeting of a perfect soul mate to the birth of my son I have never felt this kind of anticipation. Or this kind of fear of what is on the other side of the door. I stare at the wooden plank, placing my hand reassuringly on my bulging stomach. These kids might actually have a chance to meet their father.

For years I often wondered where I'd be in ten, fifteen years and I sure didn't think that I'd standing here in front of a hospital door wondering what exactly was on the other side.

I've been close before, but never as bad as this. Sure Mulder's been shot, faked his own death, abducted, and returned from the dead, but never has he ever been mysteriously found on the side of the road after I witnessed them place his body into the ground next to William's.

What does this mean for us? What does this mean for our family? 

All those answers lie on the other side of this door.

I take a deep breath and place my hand on the cool metal of the door knob. Slowly, I open the door.

At first it appears that the room is empty and my heart sinks. All of this for nothing...for a bed that is empty, but I take one step into the room.

On the bed furthest away from the door lays a body. Beeping from the machines beat methodically monitoring his heart beat. A heart that shouldn't be beating. A heart that should still be six feet under, but of all the things that we've ever seen together the one thing that I could never truly was believe just how lucky this man was. He's faced death way too many times for comfort. 

Tears form immediately in my eyes as I get closer to him. The well defined features that I missed touching. Pouty lips that I can still remember the taste of and the lanky figure of a man that I have loved for nearly ten years. A man that for all accounts shouldn't even be laying in this bed.

I can't believe it. Laying my eyes on him. I don't want to blink for fear that he'll disappear.

"Mulder," I hoarsely whisper, my voice catching in my throat as I try and fight back tears.

He doesn't respond of course. His deep hazel eyes are covered by his lids, sleeping peacefully in a drug induced coma. How many times did that intense gaze make my breath catch in my throat? I need to see those eyes, that gaze that caught me, and I have to know why.

I take a seat next to his bed. Taking my too familiar bedside vigil. His hands are ice cold and try and warm them. 

Then the reality hits me full force. Feeling his hands, looking at his peaceful face starts to nag at the back of mind that this isn't a dream. Mulder is alive. I can feel him, I can see him.

The months of pain and loss start to come back. Tears flow down my cheeks slowly at first and then I find myself in a full fledged crying session. Sobs racking my body, whimpering for the life that we had and wondering what the hell is going on. Who the hell did we put in the ground? And where's my son, our son?

My answers are never answered as I place my head down in defeat, holding on to Mulder's hand with a death grip. I can't let him go for fear of a dream. But deep down I know that it can't be a dream. It would be a cruel joke from fate.

Somewhere along the way I started to drift off. Floating through the blackness of a world that I once knew.

"Scully, what are you doing here? Actually, I was just getting dressed to come and see you, but I couldn't find a tie to go with my victory cap."

I try to smile, "Mulder no work," I say removing his cap. "You have to go back to bed."

"I was coming down to work to tell you that Albert Hosteen is dead. He died last night in New Mexico. He'd been in a coma for two weeks. There was no way he could have been in your apartment."

I shake my head insisting that we had prayed together.

"Mulder, I don't believe that. I don't believe it. It's impossible."

Mulder shakes his head at my skepticism -- always the same.

"Is it any more impossible than what you saw in Africa? Or what you saw in me?"

I break our gaze -- looking down, nervously. "I don't know what to believe anymore. I was so determined to find a cure, to save you, that I could not deny what it was that I saw. And now, I don't know what the truth is. I don't know who to listen to, I don't know who to trust," I say struggling to hold back my tears.

Mulder pulls me in for a deep embrace.

"Scully, I was like you once. I didn't know who to trust. And I chose another path, another life, another fate, where I found my sister. And even though my world was unrecognizable and upside down there was one thing that remained the same."

He pulls back, cupping my face in his hands staring at me intently.

"You were my friend and you told me the truth. Even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant...my touchstone," he tells me softly.

"...And you were mine," I reply through my tears.

"Scully?" a hoarse voice whispers through the darkness.

At first my world is hazy, but as I come into focus I see him, trying to open his eyes. Whispering my name. He knows that I'm here. 

I gently run his forehead reassuringly, coaxing him to open his hazel orbs. He tries again and this time a grin comes over his face. 

"Mulder, can you hear me?"

"This has to be a dream," he whispers.

I shake my head, starting to tear up. Moving towards his forehead I place a kiss on the top and we stare at one another for a long time.

"Its not..." I say stopping short of all that I've been through in the past four months, and the questions that I have.

Silence passes between us. Sometimes the best things that we have ever said to one another was said without a single word. We stare at one another intently.

Mulder closes his eyes in pain, straining to remember...

"What is it, Mulder?"

"They came to take us..."

"Who came?" I ask knowing of the answer.

"Aliens," he whispers, closing his eyes trying to bring more memories to the surface.

Again the silence passes between us. I need to ask him about our son, I need to know what happened.

"Mulder, what about William?" I inquire through the tears.

Mulder's eyes burst open, a dazed, confused looks runs across his eyes followed by that of anger, and worry. 

"We have to find him," Mulder says the intensity returning for the first time since he was searching for his sister. Now this quest is one that involves us both, our son, and the lives of our future children. 

"Mulder, I miss him so much," I tell him breaking down in tears.

"I know," he says pulling me in for a long embrace after planting a kiss on my lips.

"We have to find him."

"I will go to the ends of the earth to bring him back to you...and to us."

Holding onto one another it almost felt like old times, except this time our child was at stake as well as the fact that there is too much to even begin to explain how and why Mulder is alive. Too much to comprehend now, but under it all relief that Mulder's back in my life and my son is still alive...alive, but in grave danger. 

******

TO BE CONTINUED

More to come!

Stay tuned R&R


	11. A'lie Inn

Title: Without You Part Eleven

All other disclaimers, etc in part one.

Enjoy!

*******

__

May 19, 2002

A'lie Inn

Roswell, New Mexico

2:05 a.m.

Mulder steadily breathes. I watch as his chest rises and falls. Just twenty-four hours ago we were boarding a plane against medical advice. Well, actually, without medical personal knowing and in turn I guess it was the worst thing to do. Taking a man that shouldn't even be alive out of the hospital, but it was no or never.

After going through so much in the past few months I fear that I have inherited Mulder's insomniac nature. I can't sleep now. Even though I want to. 

Maybe, it is the kinetic forces of knowing that my child is so close, yet still so far away from me that keeps my eyes open and the thoughts running through my mind.

All I need is to feel the weight of his body in my arms again. To look at that drool filled face, grinning at me like any toddler would and to know that he's finally safe. Not dead in the ground, but rather finding out that the whole entire death was a mistake. They were never dead. They weren't taken from me by the cruel forces of God or of something else that even God has no power or control over. 

He should have been walking by now. I can only imagine the scene. Mulder letting him wobble on his own to legs and then slowly, but surely walking towards my out stretched arms, giggling as he falls into my arms.

I turn over in the bed and face away from Mulder placing my hand on my abdomen. I have just about reached the halfway point of this pregnancy and I still can't truly believe it. Two lives move within. Two little miracles.

Protectively I rub the swell of my abdomen, trying to soothe myself and these babies. They meant too much to me and to Mulder. All we need is to find William and we'll have our family. Our perfect family.

I think that this is the time that I want to settle down and live a normal life. No more conspiracies, no more aliens, or being from another world. I don't want to deal with it anymore...I don't think that I can.

Turning back over to stare at Mulder I realize that at one point in our lives we started out as two different people. But over the past decade we became one soul, and mind. We searched in vain for a truth that maybe, we were too afraid to see. A truth that was right in front of us the entire time.

Getting up slowly I slip on a sweatshirt and head out into the cool night that rarely finds the New Mexico desert in the middle of May. Its odd all right.

Walking out the door I stare up at the perfect sky. Stars twinkling, giving their light off to spectators on Earth as well as other places. 

I close my eyes and remember a time not that long ago when Mulder was painfully close to finding his sister.

__

Walking out of the diner after hearing Mulder read from Samantha's journal is almost too much to bear. I can't believe that of everything that he has searched for and believed in might not be that at all. 

He stops abruptly and looks up towards the starry night sky. 

"You know, I never stopped to think that the light is billions of years old by the time we see it. From the beginning of time right past us into the future, nothing as ancient in the universe. Maybe they are souls, Scully. Traveling through time as starlight looking for homes. I wonder what my mother say. And I wonder what she was trying to tell me."

I shake my head at the possibility, "Get some sleep." 

I walked away from him that night as he was still staring up at the sky, wondering about his sister. I fear that that was the night he started to let go, knowing that she was long gone to the world. I hope to God that he didn't feel like a failure because of the endless search he put up that ultimately ended in disappointment. 

But if he wouldn't have had that desire, that kind of drive there would have been countless other lives that would have been lost, lives that he saved...that we saved together.

Blinding headlights pull into the parking lot and my gaze is averted to the tall figure stepping out of the car.

John Doggett walks towards me, his poker face not even remotely showing the reason that he is here.

"Agent Scully--"

"--what have you found?" I interrupt before he can even begin.

"Is Mulder sleeping?"

"Yeah. What did you find?" I ask persistently.

"How are you feeling?" he inquires again avoiding my question.

"Fine, damn it. John quit beating around the bush. What the hell have you found?"

Mulder walks out of the motel room door, looking confused as to why Doggett was standing there in front of him.

"Agent Doggett, isn't it a little early for work?" Mulder asks trying to humor us, but the tension is too great.

"Mulder, John's found something," I tell him quietly.

"What have you found?" he asks now wanting to know as badly as I do.

"County sheriff thinks they found a one-year old boy off the highway 'bout half a mile--" John Doggett says grimly.

"Is it William?" I inquire staring at him, wanting to and needing to know more.

Doggett only nods his head, tears already glistening in his eyes.

"Dana, Fox, they...uh...he's..."

"What? John?" I yell at him, already sensing the worst.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, "I...I"

"Oh my God," I whisper, starting to sob uncontrollably. Mulder places his arms around me balling with me. 

Three FBI agents stood outside the ridiculous A'lie Inn crying that night for my son, our son, and even in a way John's son. 

Bright rays of the sun never come up that day, rather it started to pour rain. Pour rain in the desert for three days straight, something locals just couldn't figure out. 

All hope was dashed, and in a way it was the end of something for me. The end of a day when I knew innocence was lost. Indivertibly we lost a part of ourselves, and our innocence that could never be replaced. 

TO BE CONTINUED 

Stay tuned! R&R

__


	12. Attack of the clones

Title: Without You Part 12

All other disclaimers in part one.

Author's Note: Thanks for all of the feedback and I'm sorry to leave you all hanging. You guys are awesome with your reviews...keep them coming:)

Anyways, enjoy!

********************

__

May 20, 2002

Roswell County Medical Office

10:13 a.m.

The smell of death is around us as we walk through the door of the county medical office. Our demeanor has completely shifted. I am no longer living on hope, but rather questioning the life that seems to be so horribly possessed by such bad luck.

Mulder walks next to me, his head down in defeat. He's been through so many deaths and near deaths that I'm surprised he isn't numb to the world of the lost. I can tell he already blames himself. Blames himself that it isn't William in medical office, but rather himself.

Doggett stands a little taller trying to shield us from the coming pain. It's too late for that. But he knows what we are going to go through and in a way he's going to go through it again as well. John watched as I lost Mulder and William and was returned that hope that they might both still be alive. How can fate be so cruel? How is that possible?

A tall, broad shouldered doctor approaches us. His eyes are somber and he too has seen enough death in his life to leave him numb to the world of the living.

"I'm Doctor Al West, you must be--"

"Agent John Doggett, FBI. And these are my colleagues Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully," John says taking charge right away.

The silence is almost too much.

Standing there looking at one another is too hard to bare. I lower my head and will myself to keep my composure. Looking down at my 5 month pregnant belly I start to wonder if this too will be their fate?

I pray to God that I won't have to go through this again. Losing another child. I already lost Emily and as far as everyone else is concerned William is gone.

"We've come to I.D. the body," John finally says.

I look up at Doctor West with tears in my eyes. I can't hold myself back any longer. I don't want to I.D. the body of my son. He's only fifteen months old. He should be walking by now, babbling his first words and lighting up my life, not lying on a cold slab of metal waiting for his parents to I.D. his body.

I start to realize that I'll never watch him as he walks out the front door on his first day of school. I'll never get the chance to help him with his homework, reward him when he makes the honor roll, ground him when he breaks our window while hitting a home run in his mind after playing a street game with the neighbors. 

We'll never get to watch him as he goes off to his first awkward day of middle school and meets the 'love of his life'. Our son will never go off to his senior prom, or walk up on stage to accept his diploma or as he leaves us once and for all as an 'adult' going off to college. 

But our situation is too dismal to even look for that single ray of hope. I want William back. I want our son back to love and to raise and to experience everything that we'll never experience.

"Scully?" Mulder urges pulling toward a door marked 'MORGUE'

I start to shake uncontrollably. Mulder stops and stares at me long and hard.

"Maybe it's not him," I whisper hoping. 

Mulder leans in and takes me in his arms. We stand like this for a long time. Somehow, someway I feel my strength returning. Of all the things that I have ever wanted to prove anyone wrong on this would be the biggest of them all.

"Scully, are you sure you're okay?" Mulder questions holding onto my arm, steadying me.

I nod.

We slowly walk into the morgue. Having worked around these conditions for most of my professional career I have still never gotten used to the smell of death. The seeping decay that has started on the refrigerated corpses.

Dr. West stops in front of a drawer and pulls it out slowly. A blue blanket lays over a tiny body. One that would be that of a one-year old.

"Are you ready?" Dr. West inquires looking to both Mulder and I.

Mulder turns to me for my approval and after a long, hesitated moment I nod.

Slowly Dr. West lowers the blue blanket. 

Blond hair tops the child's head and he looks too peaceful in death, like he died during his sleep without any pain. In a world where most one year olds don't die that way it would be a great lie to tell this child's parents: 'he died peacefully, without any pain.'

Mulder and I continue to stare at the peaceful face of this child. Purple bruises surround his neck and up and down his arms. 

Small wounds methodically surround the child's bellybutton and the back of his neck.

Scars from implants.

"Well?" Dr. West finally whispers into the cold of the morgue.

I study the child's face again and then look to Mulder.

Mulder doesn't give any indication. He just continues to stare. I know that look. He feels as though he has failed--failed me and his son.

I stare at him a minute longer catching his attention. 

I shake my head.

"It's not him," I whisper.

"Scully, I think that it is," Mulder responds painfully.

I shake my head, again. 

"Mulder, look here on this child," I tell him pointing to a region just below his left nipple on his stomach. The skin is clear and creamy, nothing.

"What is it Agent Scully?" Doggett asks.

"William had a birth mark right here," I inform him circling the place on his belly. 

"Then its a clone--" Mulder responds.

I start to shiver uncontrollably, realizing that William is still out there-- not dead.

Mulder takes me into his arms and holds me close.

"There's hope," he whispers into my ear.

Ring.

Ring.

Doggett quickly pulls his phone out of his coat.

"Doggett," he says gruffly into the phone.

He listens intently looking over at us and then back away. It involves us. The hushed tone tells it all.

Doggett hangs up the phone turning back to us.

"That was Agent Reyes."

"What did she want?" Mulder asks intently.

"I know this is hard to believe, but William just turned up at the X-Files office."

"Is it really him?" I ask, looking the clone of William laying on the cold slab of metal.

"I asked her to look for a birth mark of a--"

"--Circular object that almost looked like a UFO," I tell him.

Doggett nods his head, but still looks away.

"There's something more," Mulder says.

"What is it, John?" I ask.

"William didn't come alone."

__ __ __


	13. a late night talk

Title: Without You part 13

All other information, disclaimers, etc. in first chapter.

Author's Note: Thanks for all of the reviews. Keep them coming. I love hearing that you guys are enjoying my work. Enjoy!

*******

May 20, 2002

Somewhere over Virginia

11:13 p.m.

All is dark below the plane that is traveling from Roswell to D.C. The passengers are very quiet for the red-eye flight. A little too quiet. Or maybe its just my nerves.

During the past twelve hours waiting for a flight all I could think of was getting to by baby boy and figuring out this huge mess. 

Just what exactly is going on? Why the hell is there a clone of William? 

I know asking myself these questions will never get the answers, but as I look to my right Mulder and Doggett both are asleep. Its amazing, really, because Mulder would never ever sleep before on planes until just a few years ago.

I continue to stare out at the dark Earth. It makes me wonder what is in store for the coming weeks and years. Will anything ever be normal again?

Often, I have wondered what a normal life would look like. Up until about five months ago Mulder and I had the closest thing that we would have gotten to a normal life.

After working on the X-Files for eight years, anything even resembling a family life was normal to both of us.

Mulder shifts uneasily in the chair next to me and I turn my gaze back to him. 

He and I have such a history and to even think that after all of the life threatening cases we've been through that we are still alive, breathing, and have a family is an x-file in itself.

Mulder opens his eyes, tiredly and smiles at me.

"Hey," he whispers.

"Hey."

We continue to gaze at one another for a long time. Words between us never had to be spoken. I think that one of the beauties of our relationship is the fact that its what we don't say that means a lot. 

A gaze can mean a thousand different things, but we have always interpreted it the same.

"What are you thinking about?" he finally asks.

"I was thinking about William and what all of this means," I tell him, even though I'm sure he already knew.

"We've seen it before."

"Yeah, but not like this. Not with our own child," I respond.

He places his hand on me, caressing my arm, reassuringly. The simple touch reassures me and I can't believe how lucky I am to have him back and alive.

"Mulder, what does this mean, though? Where did the clones come from and why?" I inquire very concerned.

Mulder closes his eyes and breathes in deeply for effect. Then his deep hazel orbs stare into my eyes.

"I have something to tell you, Scully," he finally whispers.

"What?"

Another long pause passes between us.

"When I went missing last year and was presumed dead, they would talk thinking that I wasn't listening, but I heard them talking about starting an inferior race that would be even more powerful than the super soldiers--"

He stops painfully grimacing as he digs deeper into his regressed thoughts.

"There's more?"

"The inferior race would come from the clones of children of parents with alien genetic make-up. Children that would be immune to the coming takeover, but they failed miserably."

"What are you talking about? We saw a clone of William," I tell him completely and entirely confused.

"Most of the mothers couldn't carry the children to full term. William was the only one, but the thing that was so odd to them was the fact that they did not create him in a lab. He was a naturally conceived child and that was of even greater value to them."

"Mulder, why the clones of him though?" 

"I think they staged our deaths and took him and me to get more of the material they need to make these inferior beings," he says solemnly.

"How do we stop it?"

"_We _are not going to do anything. I will not risk you losing these children," Mulder says as he protectively places his hand over my abdomen.

"Then how do you stop it?"

"I have to go to the source."

"Which is where?"

He stares at me, afraid to even start talking about such a topic.

"Mulder?"

"Through extensive research I have found that the 'source' we are looking for is deep within the government and the military."

"This can't be happening. It's crazy. Mulder, do you realize what you're saying. You are saying that the president--"

"--is involved and this reaches to the highest parts of the government, even higher than we once thought."

"That's preposterous," I tell him shaking my head.

"But if it's true, Scully, the entire world could be a whole lot of trouble."

"We are now making our final decent into Washington D.C. Please fasten your seat belt," an unseen stewardess says into the intercom.

Mulder and I stare at one another for a long moment. It almost feels like old times: Mulder proposing the most out-there theory that he can think of and me shooting it down.

Doggett opens his eyes and looks to us confused.

"I thought I heard some outlandish talking about the government and aliens."

"That was me," Mulder tells the man next to him raising his hand like a child.

"Wonderful," Doggett replies sarcastically.

"What do you think, Scully?" Mulder asks turning to me.

"I think its time to see our son."

__ __ __


	14. William

Title: Without You Part 14

All other information is in the first chapter.

Author's Note: Thanks again to all of you that review. Keep on reading and reviewing. It's great to know that you guys are enjoying the story. Thanks again for the support.

************

__

Monica Reyes's Apartment

Washington D.C. 

May 21, 2002

12:19 a.m.

We are finally here. Just minutes away from seeing my son. Our son. 

Mulder takes my hand and squeezes it reassuringly. Too much has happened to us for us not to be worried. Our lives have been tampered with, experimented with, taken a few times and nearly extinguished, but we still stand like a testament of time. 

I smile at him weakly as he pulls me out of the rental car. Doggett walks ahead of us, always searching for something that might be hidden.

None of us talk. I can't even begin to process words at this point. Walking to the elevator and to Monica's door is all a blur. 

Mulder guides me towards the door. Silence has taken over the apartment building. Wait, its midnight. Normal people would be in bed at this time of the night. Not traveling half way across the country. 

When was the last time that we were normal? 

Doggett knocks on the door, softly and we all wait. I don't think that I was the only one holding my breath.

Who in the world could have been with William? What does this all mean? Questions swirl around in front of me. 

The pounding of bare feet against wood echoes through the room, magnified by my alert senses. 

I can just see Monica hesitating on the other side of the door, looking through the peephole and then finally she slowly opens it.

"Thank God, you made it," she whispers as she ushers us into her homey apartment quickly, locking the door behind her.

"Where's, William?" I barely manage to whisper.

Before she can respond the creaking of old floor boards causes us all to turn. 

At first in the darkness of the apartment it is hard to make out who stands in front of us, but the tall figure slowly steps into the light with the coy grin of evil and self love on his face.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Mulder nearly screams at the man.

"All in due time, Mulder," he says as he places his hand on his pocket feeling for cigarettes that are no longer present, "Damn."

"Smokey out of smokes?" Mulder asks sarcastically.

"Fox, you never cease to hate me," Spender says with a grin on his face. 

"Would you like me to make a list?--" Mulder starts as he moves towards the smoking bastard.

"Mulder, hold," Doggett says putting his hand out to stop Mulder, and then turns to Spender "Who the hell are you?" 

"Oh where to begin. There are so many ways to describe who I am. It is such a shame that I haven't met you before Agent Doggett. I hear you do amazing work on the X-Files," he states grinning with an evil smile. 

"All of you stop!" I reply yelling, "I need to see my son."

Monica nods her head and starts to walk towards her bedroom. I follow her closely.

"Is he all right? Did they do anything to him?" I start to ask, becoming more and more anxious.

"Everything is fine. He is in perfect health. The only strange thing is the man that he arrived with."

"What did he say to you?"

"He said that in the best interest of all of us that it would be a good idea to keep quiet about this. He insisted that he stay until you two got back here because he said that 'they' were waiting and watching for a chance to take William again."

"How could you trust someone like that?" 

"I had my gun ready to fire if he made one wrong move," Monica responds grinning.

We stop at her bedroom door which is slightly ajar. Moonlight bathes the room and on the bed is a sleeping child.

William.

Slowly, in awe, I walk towards my son.

His eyes are tightly shut as he breaths in and out steadily. William has grown so much. I can't believe my eyes.

I reach my hand out to touch him.

William moves, but then goes back into his peaceful sleep.

I gradually reach out and take the small child in my arms. For three months I have wanted to feel his weight in my arms and know that this is indeed my child. 

Mulder walks in behind me, looking down at our child, trying to believe it.

"Is he all right?" Mulder whispers concerned.

"He appears to be completely fine, but a full examination will have to be conducted to make sure," I respond back to Mulder.

The room is completely quiet as Mulder and I stare down at our son. 

A miracle that we have for the second time. But how many times do we get this lucky? How many 'lives' does William have?

I'm afraid to know the answer, but the thoughts of fear and agonizing pain leave me as I stare down at William. The baby boy that Mulder and I fought so hard for and lost so much to have.

His blue eyes slowly open. After a few seconds a look of recognition comes over his face. 

"Mommy?" 

*************

More to come...

Stay tuned:)

__ __ __


	15. Smoking revelation

Title: Without You Pt. 15

All other information in part one.

Author's Note: Thanks again to all those that are reading. Keep the reviews coming:)

Enjoy!

********

__

Monica's Apartment

May 21, 2002

5:24 a.m.

The gentle moonlight softly shines through the window of Monica's bedroom. I stare down at the sleeping child in my arms. I haven't let him go for the past four hours.

I don't want to ever let him out of my sight again. Mulder, too, is in the room, but surprisingly he fell asleep hours ago. My eyes are starting to get heavy, but I don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to take them off my son.

This is all too good to be true. To think that in the past 48 hours I was given hope, it was dashed away, and then finally restored in the form of this child that is silently sleeping in my arms.

So many questions stills swirl around William, around the smoking man, and around the rest of us. Questions that could be of great importance to every man, woman, and child on Earth.

Finally, I give into the heaviness of my eyelids and fall asleep clutching my son tightly in my arms.

Meanwhile, John and Monica lean up against one another on the couch. The smoking man sits facing them.

Sleep has not come easy to them.

"What the hell is going on?" John whispers into the darkened living room.

"Too much for you to comprehend, Agent Doggett. Too much for even Mulder and Scully to understand. This is the key to it all the last pawn that the aliens need to start the dreaded Armageddon."

"Armageddon, aliens? That's a bunch of crap. Why would aliens travel millions of light years to take over our planet?" Doggett asks skeptically.

"Why don't you ask Agent Reyes. She seems to know a lot about this," Spender tells him slyly.

"Mon?" John turns to her questioning.

"I don't know what it all means, John, but some of what he's talking about holds some truth to it."

"It's too damn early in the morning to be talking about aliens and flying saucers," Doggett tells them skeptically.

"Always so cynical, Agent Doggett. Do you not even consider some of the strange things that you've seen while working on the X-Files? Some of the cases that were so out there and hardly believable, yet Agent Scully started to believe in them. After years of working there she couldn't deny what she saw in front of her," Spender tells him.

"I'm not Scully or Mulder--" Doggett starts

"--I'm not saying that you are, but this is too fantastic and will affect the lives of everyone on Earth. You have to open your mind now, Agent Doggett, open it now or you'll dig your own grave," Spender interrupts, amazingly passionate about the cause.

"Why should we even believe you?"

"Mulder and Scully don't. You showing up with their son makes it even harder to trust you," Monica pipes up.

"Agent Doggett and Agent Reyes, I am going against my own people. I'm sure Mulder and Scully have told you about the Project and the secret men in the government."

"Yeah, they have," Doggett replies, cautiously.

"That group no longer exists. They were all killed off and the group that has come in to replace them is trying to work with all of the breeds of aliens. They don't even want to consider using a vaccine to stop the alien invasion."

"Then what do you need from us? From Mulder? Scully? William?"

Spender pauses dramatically, his eyes gleaming in the light.

"Mulder has found out that this goes as high as the Presidency, even higher. All of the governmental agencies don't have a clue as to what is going on. The crisis in the Middle East is Bush's way of redirecting our attention to Afghanistan and Iraq. Not to his agenda. 

"All they need is William. William is the final thing that they need. Except--" 

"--Except what?" Monica asks concerned.

"William and Mulder's deaths were faked because of what William meant to them and to the world."

"You're not making any sense," Doggett says shaking his head, "I thought you said that once they had William they would start the invasion."

"They didn't have William, I did. I did along with my new formed group. A group that mirrors the group I once ran, but--"

Before he can get another word out, Doggett is at his throat, holding onto the collar of his shirt with rage and anger showing up on his face.

"John!?" Monica nearly screams at him.

"You are a sick bastard. Do you know that?!?" Doggett whispers nearly hissing. "Scully thought she lost the two most important people in her life. Do you have a heart at all? How can you even try and think that 'faking' their deaths would make things okay? She nearly died of a broken heart. A broken heart!!!! Do you even understand that? Losing someone so close to you that it nearly kills you to breath?"

John lets go of him quickly and backs away. John Doggett has finally hit a wall emotionally. He sits down on the couch hard and puts his head in his hands trying to keep himself from screaming at the top of his lungs about the unfairness of life.

"Look, Agent Doggett--" Spender tries to start.

"--Shut up!"

"John," Monica looks to him, trying to calm him down with the sound of her voice.

"Just tell us what we need to do to keep Mulder and Scully and William safe."

Spender starts again, hesitating a bit, but hardly showing it. "William no longer has what they need. My group destroyed it, but we made clones of the child, trying to keep them off the track as long as possible. They think that William is still their key, but he's not."

"Then who is?" Monica asks, curious.

"Mulder and Scully complicated the situation," Spender responds.

Silence passes through the room and realization hits both John and Monica at the same time.

"You mean?--" Monica starts.

"Their twins," Doggett finishes.

"Yes, and there is only one way to ensure that Mulder and Scully and their entire family is safe."

"Which is what?" Doggett asks.

"They need to go into hiding. In a place that is both lethal to the Super Soldiers and not even on the map for the government."

"Which is where?" Monica inquires.

"A small town 500 miles north of Vancouver. A place that they must stay in for the next ten years."

"And what about us?" Doggett questions.

Spender looks from Doggett to Reyes and then back again. 

"You know thinking about it. You might be able to keep them safe," he pauses, "actually, it would be better if you went with them."

"When?"

"Within the next forty-eight hours or else you'll never get out of the country," Spender tells them grimly.

"They're going to close down the boarder?" 

"The aliens are going to try and find their 'key' and with the help of the government they will be able to do whatever they want."

**********

Stay tuned...

More to come:)

__ __ __


	16. Canada

Title: Without You part sixteen

All other information in the first part.

Thanks for all of the feedback:)

*********

__

May 22, 2002

10:13 a.m.

Canadian Border

I open my eyes slowly and look up to see exactly why we are stopping.

__

"They're coming for him, Dana."

"What's your business going into Canada," the guard at the border says.

Mulder nonchalantly grins at him and easily tells him that we are going to visit relatives.

"How long do you think the trip will last?"

"A few days."

"Who's coming?"

The SUV is packed to the gills with all of our belonging that we could possibly manage to pack without looking suspicious. Doggett and Reyes are a few cars back waiting just as we are. Getting ready to answer the ordinary questions.

I close my eyes and try and fall back asleep as Mulder starts to slowly drive the car past the check point.

__

"The aliens."

The words of our conversation just twenty-four hours still haunt me. How in the world can we trust that chain smoking son of a bitch? But then the other part of me starts to think...maybe he's right. 

Mulder slows the car down and pulls it into the gas station just a mile after the check point.

Without hesitation both Mulder and I started to throw everything together

I open my eyes again and stare at him questioning.

"Sunflower seeds," he says grinning.

"Oh," I say.

"Do you want anything?" Mulder inquires.

"A pint of ice cream and some pickles," I tell him grinning as I say so.

He laughs too.

"I'll get you your Diet Coke. Anything else?" 

"I'd grab something for William to eat. He'll probably be hungry when he wakes up."

Mulder heads into the gas station as Doggett and Reyes's car pulls up next to ours. Monica gets out of the car and heads into the station while Doggett waits a second or two and then heads over to our car.

I roll down the window.

"How are you handling it?" Doggett asks still concerned about me.

"I'm fine. Just looking forward to the all night drive," I tell him rolling my eyes.

A long moment of silence passes between us.

"Look, John, I know that this isn't how you envisioned you life and I know that you didn't want to give up your job, but both Mulder and I appreciate your help. We are grateful that both you and Monica are coming with us."

"Not a problem, Agent Scully. Always in the interest of helping out a friend and making sure that your family is safe."

"What about you, John? How about your family life?"

Monica comes walking back out the store with two bottles of water in hand and a bag of chips.

"I think I've got a handle on that," Doggett says with a mischievous grin.

"Go on, John," I encourage.

Mulder, too, walks out a minute later with his purchases and heads to the car, cracking a sun flower seed between his teeth.

"Some things never change," I say.

Mulder grins and starts up the car following Doggett's vehicle into the vast unknown of the wooded Canadian wilderness.

"Are you ready for this?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," I tell Mulder staring out the window and wondering just what exactly are we getting into?

Ten years.

That's a long time. Thinking about how fast the last ten years have gone I sigh in remembrance of those years gone by. What I wouldn't give for another case with a flukeman or some liver eating mutant.

Hell, it wasn't a normal life, but I think it is much better than hiding away for the next ten years.

But then again, looking back at my sleeping son, it makes me remember the hard nights that I had waiting up for an answer to what was causing my cancer. Learning that it was incurable and then finally learning that I wouldn't be able to conceive children.

That blew my mind. All of the years of my life I always longed for something of a normal life and the irony of it is that we might get that on the run and in hiding. It may be the closest thing that Mulder or I have ever come to a normal life.

So many memories fill my head, but the thinking and the remembering start to cloud my mind as my eyes get heavy and I fall asleep to the gentle humming of Mulder to a country song.

"Scully, wake up," Mulder says gently rocking me.

"What?" I asked dazed and confused. As I open my eyes I stare into the depths of darkness.

"We're here."

"What do you mean 'here'?" 

Wow I must have been unconscious for the entire trip.

"I've never seen you sleep so soundly," Mulder says his face illuminated by the moon.

"I was tired."

"Apparently." 

Mulder leaves it at that and opens his door. As my eyes focus to the dark I see a huge Victorian house standing in front of us. Monica and John have gotten out of their car too and stretch their legs.

Mulder opens the side door and carefully takes out William who is still asleep. I follow him out of the car and we all stand and stare up at the house in awe.

"Well its big enough for all of us," Monica replies in her cheerful tone.

"Yeah, I'd say so," I whisper.

This has to be a dream.

The house that stands in front of me is like any house that a child would dream of when they were a little girl. White shutters accent the pale blue house. A bench swing gently moves in the breeze, creaking ever so softly.

All of us proceed with caution up the front steps of the porch. Mulder and Doggett lead the way. Always the macho men. They reach the top of the steps and both simultaneously look through the glass of the door.

"I don't see anything," Mulder whispers.

He slowly turns the doorknob and feels around for a light switch.

Monica and I follow the men into the lighted foyer of the huge house. A stair case goes up towards the second floor and the house appears to be in perfect condition.

Completely furnished and stocked with everything we would need for the next month.

"What's this?" Mulder asks as he picks up a letter that was laying on a stand by the door.

He opens it and starts to read, leaving us all waiting for who or what it is from.

"Mulder?" I inquire, raising my eyebrow ever so slightly.

"It's from Spender."

"And?"

"It says that we are now going to be living the privileged life."

All is silent.

"You know this all sounds too damn fishy. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop," Doggett speaks up, cynically.

I think that all of us were thinking the same thing. We've all had too many years of being paranoid, unable to trust anyone, but ourselves. Mulder, William, and I head up the stairs while Monica and John walk in another direction.

Since we're here we might as well check everything out.

Reaching the top of the stairs we see a long hallway extending on both sides of us. As we slowly walk to each door we find eleven rooms and three bathrooms. Talk about luck.

At the end of the hallway there is a master bedroom.

Mulder turns on the light and we both grin at the prospect of the decor of the room. For the most part it is very flowery - the kind of thing anyone would expect to see in a house like this, but the thing that makes us grin is the fact that on the wall to the far right a huge poster makes its presence known. 'I WANT TO BELIEVE' screams to be read off of the poster.

"I think he's got us pegged down," Mulder says grinning as he walks further into the room.

"So do you think this is our room?" I ask him playfully.

"I wouldn't doubt it."

Across the hall from our room is a blue nursery. I place William into the crib and lower myself into the rocking chair placing my hand protectively on my swollen abdomen.

The gentle rhythm of rocking lulls me to sleep dreaming of a perfect world were this all would have been possible on its own, instead of on the run from aliens and super soldiers who want to steal my children.

Meanwhile, Mulder watches as Scully sleeps silently. The two most important people in the world to him are under his watchful gaze.

Doggett and Reyes walk silently up the stairs and head in Mulder's direction.

Closing the door behind him Mulder walks towards the two.

"Well what do you think?" Mulder inquires whispering.

"I think that this is out of some damn fairy tale. How the hell is this even possible? We could be sitting ducks for the super soldiers and aliens," Doggett whispers angrily.

"John," Monica whispers, reassuring placing her hand on his arm.

"Look, I don't know about you, Mulder, but I think that there is something going on. Something that none of us are going to figure out until its too late."

"Yeah, but how can I question that I might be putting my family's lives in danger by staying the states? By standing by as they track us down and take my children," Mulder pauses and then continues with passion, "I need to have some sort of reassurance that this place is safe. Maybe, its something that we've always wanted and now we've finally got it."

All is quiet between the trio.

"Why don't we get some shut eye and check the place out tomorrow," Monica says breaking the silence.

Both of the men gnaw it over in their heads and then finally they give in.

"All right. I'm beat," Doggett replies.

Both John and Monica look around confused. 

"There's five rooms on that end of the hallway. Take your pick at which ones you want to sleep in," Mulder tells them after seeing their confused expressions.

"Thanks."

The trio parts ways as they settle in for a restful night's sleep, wondering about the future and trying to forget the past. A past that has left them paranoid and scared out of their minds as to what might happen to the world. And more importantly to them.

***********

More to come! 

Stay tuned

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	17. Speculations

Title: Without You Part Seventeen

All other information is in chapter one

Author's Note: Thanks everyone for the feedback. I'm thinking that this story has three or four more chapters. So keep on reading and responding. I appreciate it a ton:)

Enjoy! 

******

__

May 23, 2002

Victorian Home in Canada

6:03 a.m.

Sun streams through the bay window in William's nursery. I barely recognize where I'm at. Maybe all of the years of working with the paranoia and the probability that we aren't alone has finally gotten the best of me as I get up and walk towards the window looking out on the huge lawn.

Two big pine trees stand in front of this perfect house. How can it be true? All of it.

I continue to stare out the window, remembering back to a time before all of this ever happened. Back to before I even met Mulder. It is hard to even think what I did then. Well, life was as normal as it could possibly be. I still had a great trust in the government as we knew it, but then again I don't know which is worse: knowing what is about to happen or to not know anything.

The twins are obviously awake as they pound away on the walls of my abdomen. I place my hand on my stomach, rubbing in circles trying to calm the kicking.

I turn my attention back to William. He stands in his crib staring back at me with a goofy grin on his face. My God, with that look he looks so much like Mulder. He's going to be a spitting image of Mulder, even down to the deep hazel eyes and the nose.

"Momma," he gurgles.

I head over to his crib and lift him out effortlessly.

"Let's go find some breakfast."

I let William down and he toddles next to me, holding onto my hand tightly unsure of the steps that are now in front of him.

"I'll carry him down," Mulder says coming up behind me and scooping up Will.

We walk down to the kitchen and find some Cheerios for Will to eat as we both grab a bowl of Wheaties.

"Well this explains it all," Mulder says with a coy grin on his face.

"What?"

"How you could kick my butt for all of those years. You ate your Wheaties, Scully," he replies in classic Mulder fashion.

We both laugh.

The kitchen is quiet. Almost too quiet. There is only the sound of us crunching on our cereal.

"Look, Scully, we all have the same doubts and suspicions," Mulder finally speaks up.

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to. That look says it all," Mulder responds.

"I was just thinking about how we always wanted a normal life. How we don't have to run anymore." 

"I just hope that's all that it is," Mulder counters with his paranoia returning.

Another long silence passes through the kitchen filled with only the sounds of Will's slurping his milk and chomping on his cereal.

"Mulder, I don't want to run anymore. I want to settle down and have a normal life and even though that smoking bastard isn't to be trusted as far as any of us can see, maybe this is a gift. A gift of the life that we could never have before.

"I want us all to be around to raise this family. No more conspiracies, no more aliens or super soldiers, and a normal job. Is that that hard to ask for?" I say trying to keep my emotions in check.

"No, Scully, it isn't that hard to ask for it. I want all of the same things, but trusting the devil himself isn't what I want to do. And its not what any of us want to do."

"Well what are we going to do then?"

Doggett and Reyes walk into the kitchen right then at that moment.

"Sorry, are we interrupting?" Doggett asks.

"No, we need to talk about this situation," Mulder replies for the both of us.

"Yeah, we don't think that its all what its cracked up to be," Doggett responds.

"John and I were talking late into the night and we think we should find another place," Monica says.

"All I want is a normal life. A normal life for us all," I say.

"Good, we've got a plan," John states.

"Start talking we're all ears," Mulder answers for us both.

*********

Stay tuned!

More to come

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	18. Evil

Title: Without You Part Eighteen 

All other disclaimers, etc are in the first chapter.

Thanks for reading and keep on reviewing!

Enjoy!

*****

John takes a deep breath in and starts to talk, illustrating a plan of how we are going to head out of this Victorian home and into a small town 20 miles from here.

"The way I see it; if this place is such a gold mine for protection of the super soldiers then 20 miles away would be close enough," John states.

"They have a hospital that you could work at Dana, a school Mulder could work at and they have a police station, too," Monica finishes.

Both Mulder and I mull over the idea of leaving. I can't help, but think that the smoking man is up to something else and the idea of just having a normal life, working in a hospital, living a life with my family is the only thing that I want now.

I've been without them before and I don't want it to happen again. Thinking that they are dead to the world and only to have them returned to me hurts the emotions too damn much. 

All of the years of working on the X-Files has ripped out my heart and cut it into a million pieces. Too many times had I thought that I lost Mulder and then losing both of them was almost too much for me.

Rubbing my swelled stomach I want to give these children a normal life as well. I think we all want a normal life.

"Mulder," I say gazing at him. He nods his head acknowledging that he feels the same way.

"Let's get out of this mouse trap," Mulder responds grinning.

__

Lake Aire Motel

Room 17

Roseau, British Columbia, Canada

9:05 p.m.

I sit in a rather comfortable chair in the tiny motel room rubbing my temples trying to get rid of the headache that is starting to invade upon my head.

William plays quietly on the floor with the few toys that we brought with us for him and Mulder lays on the bed reading the classified ads trying to find us a house.

"Scully, this shouldn't be that hard," Mulder responds lowering the paper to show his hazel eyes slightly magnified by his reading glasses.

He has always looked cute in them, something that I never admitted even to myself for the nine years that we worked together.

"What do they have available?"

"Mostly huge homes that cost nearly two hundred thousand dollars. I just don't understand it."

"Understand what?"

"In a town this small how they can have houses for that much," Mulder responds.

"Must be a conspiracy," I tell him grinning and heading over to the bed. My back is killing me and I need to lie down. 

Mulder instinctively makes room for me and continues to read through the paper. I close my eyes trying to make the killer headache disappear, but I don't succeed.

"Scully, you okay?" Mulder asked concerned.

"I'm fine," I respond, grimacing as I do so.

"You don't look fine."

"I'm just trying to get rid of this headache," I tell him.

Everything is silent for a long moment when William crawls onto the bed and lays down in between Mulder and I. I open my eyes and smile at the small child that lays between us.

His blonde hair curls ever so slightly around his ears and face and has taken on a darker tone. I play with his curls, smiling at the small boy that Mulder and I created.

"How about this one: Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, in a neighborhood close to the school and hospital, only costs 89,000," Mulder says, "They have a picture right here."

He hands over the paper and I stare at the black and white picture of the house.

It looks a lot smaller than the Victorian house, but for some reason I'm drawn to the house. 

"The house looks very homey," I tell him, smiling up at Mulder.

"I think that's our house, Scully," Mulder says with a huge grin on his face.

"I think so too," I tell him.

"We're gunna make it, Scully," Mulder responds after a long moment of silence.

"Yes...we are," I reply.

The world is nearly perfect around us. We are getting the life that we always wanted, the family, and more importantly we feel safe. But feeling safe--is that enough with the kind of evil that is out in the world.

An evil that even the devil himself would have a tough time duplicating.

__

Room 19

John and Monica sit watching the television in the room, neither really paying much attention to the baseball game that John has tuned up.

Monica is off in her own world, thinking about the situation that has brought them to this point. She's uneasy. Something isn't as it should be. 

Getting up she walks over the window and peeks out at the parking lot.

Nothing is out there except for the light reflecting off of the wet, slick, pavement. She watches for a moment longer and then satisfied that her 'feeling' of sorts was nothing.

John watches as one of the Yankees steps up to home plate, playing a late night game out on the west coast. The lights of the baseball field reflect off of the glistening grass. It almost looks surreal.

John's also in his own world, thinking back to a time when he'd sit down and watch the game with the guys from the station all of those years ago when he still worked for the NYPD. 

Those were the days when his family life was still normal. He still had his wife and son and nothing was ever wrong in the world, except when he'd put on his uniform and head out to face the evilness of the streets of New York City.

"John," Monica says breaking both of their silences.

"Hmm?" John doesn't even look up at her.

"I know that this may seem crazy, but I have this feeling..." Monica stops as John turns around with the cynical gaze on his face.

"What kind of feeling?" 

"Oh, its nothing. Never mind. I'm just overreacting," Monica replies trying to push it out of her mind, but she feels it again. Like the weight of two eyes on her back.

"Come on, Mon. You know as well as I that when you've got those feelings that its something more than nothing," John tells her standing up and walking beside her at the window.

She's silent.

"Mon? What is it?"

Monica's eyes are filled with fear, but she tries to avoid John's gaze.

John takes her chin and guides her face back to his, making her look him straight in the eyes.

"Monica Reyes, I know that look. What are you sensing?"

"I have the strange feeling that someone is watching us. That there is someone out there."

A loud bang echoes through the motel room and shards of glass fly from the window that is directly in front of them as Monica slumps over, reaching out for John, reaching out for someone to save her.

********

More to come!

Stay tuned.

__ __ __


	19. Safe Haven

Title: Without You Part 19

All other information is in part one.

Author's Note: Sorry that its taken so long for this update. Thanks for all of the continued feedback and support--it is greatly appreciated. For this story I see about another two or three more chapters. 

Thanks again for the great feedback and keep it coming!

Enjoy!

*********

__

St. Mary's Hospital

Roseau, British Columbia, Canada

May 24, 2002

3:19 a.m.

I hate waiting rooms. I always have. Maybe its the idea that we might not ever see the person that we are waiting for again or the idea that they are just so damn cold and sterile.

Mulder sits next to me and Doggett is across the room, reading or at least trying to. William sleeps on the couch in the room. We are all here together. Together we have taken on this fate and together we will wait it out until the end. We are not alone this time, which is amazing for anyone that has ever set foot inside the X-files office. 

I swear to, God that that place has a curse or something. They should have put a warning on it: Danger! Serious risk to personal happiness, health, and well being -- when we started working there. 

The room is horribly quiet, too damn quiet and I can't get comfortable.

John gets up and puts his head out of the door looking around for anyone...for news.

"John," I say trying to reassure him.

"What is taking so long?" Doggett asks, nervously.

"Surgery takes awhile."

He starts to pace the floor, looking down, not truly believing that he's there waiting to find out if his significant other will survive. I've been there. Mulder's been there and we both watch him, with empathy.

"Agent Doggett, stop!" Mulder finally says.

John stops in his tracks and looks to us both.

"Wearing a hole in the floor isn't going to make them come out here and talk to us any quicker," Mulder goes on to say.

John just nods his head and continues to walk.

"Look, we've got to figure out what we're going to do," Mulder starts breaking the silence of the room again, "Obviously whoever shot Monica, is still around, waiting for us."

Both John and I are quiet. What is there to say? 

After more time of the ghastly silence John replies, "Will we ever be safe?"

Again, the silence meets another question. 

Half an hour later, Dr. Neil Anderson walks through the door looking just as exhausted as we all are.

John leaps up and nearly runs the doctor over.

"How's Monica?"

"The surgery was very complex, but Monica pulled through it with flying colors."

We are all silent, digesting the news. She's going to be all right. Maybe we, too, will end up all right.

"Can I see her?" John asks, his eyes lighting up with life again.

"She's sleeping right now, but I don't see any harm in you going in there. Your wife was shot pretty badly and I've never seen such success in this type of injury," Dr. Anderson goes on to say.

John doesn't correct him. Monica and John, like us, don't need a certificate saying that we were wed in the presence of the law, our souls have been joined for long time.

He follows the doctor out of the room as we stay in the waiting room, quiet for a long time.

Will is still sleeping. I think the kid could sleep through a tornado and not even open his eyes. This child that sleeps before us is what we always wanted. These two babies in my abdomen are the future that is so close to us.

"Mulder," I speak up.

Mulder turns his head towards me with those piercing hazel eyes that could fix anything.

"What are we going to do?"

"I have no idea, Scully. I think what we all want to do is settle down and have a normal life, but maybe its not possible."

"Why not?"

Mulder puts his head down in defeat.

"Mulder?"

"Everything that we lost and sacrificed will continue to follow us around. Monica is proof that we will never be truly safe."

I shake my head at Mulder's answer.

"No."

"What?"

"I won't let you give up hope. That's my department--being skeptical, shooting everything down," I move closer towards him taking his hand and placing it on my abdomen, "This is our future, our children, and even though we lost everything and sacrificed it all we still somehow ended up with one another and with children. I hate to sound like you, but maybe this is all meant to be. Maybe we are meant to live happily ever after. Did you ever think of that?" I say grinning at him.

He laughs along with me at the thought.

"Happily ever after, Scully? When did fairy tales start to interest you?"

"They never did, I just thought it was the appropriate time for a cheesy cliché," I tell him laughing.

We laugh and then Mulder gets a serious expression on his face.

"I think you might be right."

"About the fairy tales?"

Mulder never answers my question as a police officer walks through the door of the waiting room.

"Are you with the woman that was shot?" Police Officer Daniel Mc Caleb asks.

"Yes," Mulder replies.

"We think that we've found the guy that shot her."

We both stare at him waiting for an answer. Any kind of answer. 

"Apparently, just a lot or two over a couple was having a dispute. Very heated by the neighbor's account, but the husband got out his pistol and headed out he door," Officer Mc Caleb starts.

"Yeah? Where does Monica's shooting come in?" I ask, confused.

"The husband headed over to the motel room and when the manager threatened to call the cops he went out into the parking lot and just started to fire off his gun, one of the stray bullets hit Monica."

"That's all it is? Just a simple open and close case?" Mulder asks surprised.

"What were you expecting? A conspiracy?" Officer Mc Caleb jokes. 

From our looks Officer Mc Caleb quits laughing.

"What happened to the husband?" I ask curious about this case.

"He headed around back and shot himself, died instantly."

Officer Mc Caleb leaves the room and we stare at the empty room. Monica was just shot by coincidence. How could that be possible?

"Mulder, what does this all mean?"

"Maybe, we've actually found our safe haven."

"So do you want to look into that home?" I ask him.

"After I get some sleep, sure." 

We both laugh as Mulder picks up William and carries him out of the door. I head to Monica's room and find Doggett sleeping with his head resting on the edge of her bed. He looks so peaceful that I don't want to wake him, so I leave him a note.

The future for us all still looks bleak, but maybe, just maybe we are starting to see the light. Starting to get out of the rut that we've been in for the past ten years which is the misfortune that has broken our hearts, but never our spirits. 

Reaching the motel again, I lay down next to Mulder and for the first time in a long time I feel truly safe. Nothing evil is lurking outside, no one is trying to break down our lives and destroy us. Is this what it's like to live a normal life? If it is, then I like it. 

Darkness takes over as I drift off into a nothingness of dreams with the hopes for a very bright future.

********

More to come

Stay tuned!

__ __ __


	20. Blue & White

Title: Without You Part Twenty

All other information is in chapter one.

Two more chapters left! Please R&R and of course enjoy!

******

__

May 30, 2002

Roseau, British Columbia, Canada

10:13 a.m.

Bright blue and white gleam off of 'our' house as Mulder and I walk up to the home with William in between us. We stand looking up at the home. It is fairly large, but not huge. A bay window looks out on the front yard, thrusting into the front yard--it would be a great place to just sit and read.

"So, where's the realtor?" Mulder asks.

"I have no idea," I say watching as William tries to run on his wobbly legs.

Mulder starts to chase after him, making William erupt into fits of laughter. His laugh is music to both of our ears. To think that we might not of had him in our lives almost makes me want to scoop the kid up and never put him back down again.

"Excuse me? Are you Mr. and Mrs. Mulder?" a demanding voice asks behind us.

I turn around and see a woman of moderate height, but with piercing, demanding blue eyes, staring us down.

"Yes," I respond reaching out my hand to greet her, "I'm Dana Mulder and this is my husband Fox, and our son, William."

The word husband sounds foreign on my tongue, but then again we've been like that for a long time. Dana Mulder almost sounds perfect anyways. No one needs to know if we are really married in the eyes of the court, in God's eyes I think that we were always meant to be.

"I'm Kate Forbes, with Roseau Realty. If you'll follow me, I'll start with the tour of the grounds."

Mulder picks up William and we are off to inspect the grounds of the blue and white house. 

"This yard is perfect for a family of your size. Your kids live in a safe area that you can let them out in the backyard and know that they won't get hit by a car. Where are you from anyways?" Kate asks, as she continues to walk.

"Vancouver," I pipe up. 

"When we found out that Dana was pregnant we decided that it would be better to find a smaller town to raise our family in. It's just taken us awhile to tie up loose ends and move out here,' Mulder says.

"Wonderful," Kate says and then opens the front door, bringing us into a nice little foyer that has the living room off to one side and a kitchen off to the other and a stairwell up to the second floor right in front of us. 

"This house has three bedrooms, two bathrooms. All three bedrooms are upstairs which I will show you in a minute. One bathroom is upstairs and one is on this level."

Kate continues to show us through the main floor of the house. It is a small cozy house that I would love to raise our kids in. The living room has a fireplace, an is fairly large--a perfect place to sit and do absolutely nothing.

"So what do you do?" Kate asks out of curiosity.

"Dana is a doctor and I'm looking into a job at the high school," Mulder replies, shifting William from one hip to the other.

"What do you teach?" 

"Psychology, mainly," Mulder says.

"Fun stuff," Kate responds.

We follow her up the stairs and find a long hallway with the three bedrooms and the bathroom. The rooms are colorful, painted different colors of yellow, blue, white, and light red with luscious carpet and fairly large rooms.

"The house is going for 89,000 dollars, but the previous owners are willing to bring it down to eighty-six grand," Kate tells us as we head down the stairs.

Mulder and I are both silent, contemplating the future. We both have money is safe funds that the Gunmen helped us set up before we left that could pay well for the house and furnishings.

"I'm showing this house in two days, so..." Kate starts.

"--we'll take it," Mulder interrupts, grinning.

Kate and I both stare at him shocked.

"Mulder?" I whisper, angrily.

Mulder pulls me aside out of earshot of Kate, "Look Scully, you know and I know that this is our house. It's perfect. I can see us raising our kids here. We are in a great neighborhood and I know that you want it, but you think that you have to be rational and think it through. Come on, Scully, be spontaneous for once."

"I was spontaneous when I fell for you. And some days I think was crazy," I say trying to keep a serious face, but I grin at him in spite of myself.

We walk back over to Kate.

"All right, we'll take it," I say.

"Are you sure?" Kate asks already pulling out the papers.

"Yeah," we say in unison.

"Okay, I have all of the papers right here. I'd suggest that you get in touch with the bank and get a down payment on this house," Kate says.

"Okay, will do," Mulder says.

"Do you have any other questions for me?" Kate asks.

There is silence except for the jibbering from little William.

"Our friends are also looking for a house. Are there any near here that are for sale?" I ask remembering John and Monica still sitting in the hospital, ready to be released today.

"There is a house just down the block that was put on the market a week ago. It's a little smaller than this one. Here I'll give you my card and you can have them call me," Kate says.

Fifteen minutes later we wave as Kate drives away from the house. Mulder turns to me with a huge grin on his face.

"Scully, we have a house," Mulder says.

"Yeah, Mulder we have a house, but I think we have it kind of backwards," I tell him laughing.

"Have what backwards?" 

"Well you know how normal couples date, get married, buy a house and then have a kid, when did we ever do any of that in order?" I say.

"Scully, are you telling me that all of those stakeouts weren't dates?" 

I shake my head.

"Even the flukeman?" Mulder asks.

I laugh and take his hand.

"Come on, Mulder, let's go. I think that we'll always be a little different from other couples."

"And look at where everyone else is in the world: divorced."

I laugh again.

"Mulder, we can't get divorced. We aren't even married."

"Maybe, that should change."

Mulder pulls out a small diamond ring and places it on my finger. He doesn't say anything, but just grins at me.

"Aren't you supposed to ask me a question?"

"I already know the answer," Mulder replies, leaning in and kissing me, passionately.

Our life is starting to look normal. Well, as normal as it could look for us. I mean we did spend most of our life together looking at the unexplained--I think our relationship could rank right up there as unexplainable.

I laugh at the thought as our little family walks back to our car.

"You know, Scully, all we need now is the rest of our family," Mulder says.

"Only four and a half more months to go," I tell him grinning.

"I can't wait."

*******

More to come!

Stay tuned.

__ __ __


	21. Our future

Title: Without You Part Twenty-one

All other information is in the first part.

Author's Note at the end.

Enjoy!

***********

__

September 20, 2002

Mulder Home

6:54 p.m.

Mulder and I sit outside on the porch swing. I only have a month left of being pregnant and I'm huge! My doctors are saying that the twins are healthy and it could be anytime. I can't imagine that in less than a month, hell it could be this week, I might be the mother of not one, but three beautiful kids.

Mulder's arm rests behind me as the wind blows gently over the grounds of our house. William runs around in the yard with Spooky, our new dog, a black and white mutt that Mulder just had to get from the pound.

"Scully, how are you feeling?" Mulder asks rubbing my shoulders.

I feel like a huge blimp, but I don't want to tell him that. My feet are swollen, my back aches, my stomach has expanded beyond belief and he's asking me how I'm feeling? I laugh at the thought.

"Fine," I tell him, like usual.

"You know, Scully, it doesn't matter the situation or the place we are at, you will always be 'fine'" Mulder says laughing as he places his hand on my huge stomach, rubbing it in circles.

I laugh and lean my head back trying to relax. I close my eyes and breathe in the scent of an autumn day. This Canadian weather is working for me, not too hot, not too cold, well not yet at least. 

"John and Monica said that they were going to stop by," Mulder tell me out of the blue.

"When?" I ask, not paying attention.

"I don't know. They didn't say. All they said was that they have some big news."

"Big news, huh? They're probably getting married," I say, "Something that we should have done two years ago."

"Aw, come on, Scully, you've got the ring on your finger. We'll tie the knot someday. Why ruin it?" Mulder asks, looking over at me, "Besides it would be really weird calling you Mulder." 

I laugh. Of all the things that we have gone through I think that its been his humor that has gotten me through. He always finds the best and the worst time to crack the strangest of jokes or to say the snide comments that are only funny to the both of us.

William starts to giggle and we both look up to see John and Monica walking into our yard.

"Where's your car?" I ask.

"We thought that it was a nice day for a walk. Besides we're only a block away," John says, rationally.

"It makes sense. I wish I could still walk. Right now its almost comical when I walk," I tell them.

"She looks like a penguin," Mulder says laughing. 

I shoot him my 'Scully' look, but can't hold a serious expression and break into a smile a second later.

"Come on in, pull up a seat," Mulder invites them.

John and Monica sit down across from us. They are both nervous, very nervous. Their news must be really big.

"So what's up?" I say, finally breaking the silence.

They look at one another and then back at us. Something's wrong. Something has to be wrong.

"Now you might think that we're crazy, but..." John starts.

"You're getting married, right?" I interrupt grinning at the couple.

They both laugh nervously and then all is silent.

"I take that as a 'no'," Mulder replies.

"Yeah. No wedding bells in our future," Monica says, shifting her gaze to the ground.

More silence.

I hate these awkward silences because it makes me start to think and when I start to think I come up with a ton of different ideas of what could happen.

"Well, then what is it?" I say again.

Monica bites her lip and then reaches out for John's hand.

"I think I'm crazy, maybe we're crazy, but..."

She stops and looks to John for reassurance. 

"We've been jealous of your family...so we've decided to start our own," John says as seriously as he can, but he breaks into a huge grin.

"Does that mean...?" I ask, pondering, reaching.

"Yeah, I'm pregnant," Monica finally says.

"That's wonderful!" I tell her getting up as quickly as my body will allow and hugging her.

"John, you son of a gun..." Mulder says laughing as he shakes John's hand and pulls him in for a hug.

"Well, you should talk, Mr. Mulder," John replies eyeing my stomach.

"When are you due?" I ask her. My lower back starts to really ache and a shooting pain goes across my abdomen, but I just rub my stomach not wanting to interrupt Monica's exciting moment.

"The end of April," she says grinning.

"That's great," I tell her and then clench my teeth. My God! I just felt another shooting pain.

They all stare at me like I'm some guinea pig or something.

"Scully, you okay?" Mulder asks looking at me concerned.

Another searing pain shoots through my abdomen, one that nearly makes me double over in pain.

"I don't know," I tell him clenching my teeth again.

"With that face..." Mulder starts.

"Mulder, I think that I'm in labor," I tell him reaching out for his arm.

"That's good, otherwise I'd take you into the hospital for scaring the crap out of me with that face," Mulder says guiding me towards our car.

"Sorry to rain on your parade, Monica," I tell her.

"Hey, I'll be going through that in about eight months."

Mulder grabs William and we all pile into our vehicle. All five of us off and ready to bring into the world the two children that we had to go into hiding for. The two children that neither of us thought was possible. The two that we all would fight for.

Another pain rips through my body and I bite back a scream.

"Look what you're getting into, Monica," I tell her through the pain.

"Wonderful," she says.

Mulder pulls up into the hospital emergency entrance minutes later...one of the perks of living close to the hospital. He helps me out of the car and into a waiting wheelchair. 

Monica and John take William into the waiting room as I continue to suffer through pain after pain.

__

St. Mary's Hospital

Roseau, British Columbia, Canada

September 20, 2002

11:21 p.m.

After just four hours of labor I sit in my hospital room looking into the wrinkled faces of two tiny infants. Our two children. Mulder sits in the bed next to me supporting one of the babies.

A boy and a girl. Completely healthy.

"So, Mulder what are we going to name them?" I ask him looking into the face of our daughter. 

He holds the tiny little boy.

"You know, I never thought that I'd be here with you, with two babies," Mulder says in awe.

"Somewhere along the way I knew we'd end up happy. I didn't know how, but I knew that we would."

"She looks like an Emma," Mulder says looking at our daughter.

"Isn't that a little close to Emily?" I ask him, remembering the daughter that I never really knew. 

"The name would be in memory of her," Mulder says, "Emma Caitlin Mulder. I like the sound of that."

"She does look like an Emma," I tell him.

Our son screws up his face in protest and starts to fuss. His hair is lightly colored red and obviously he's inherited the Scully personality.

"Aidan," I pause, "His name is Aidan."

"Where'd that come from?" Mulder asks, rocking the baby back and forth.

"Aidan means fiery and the kid already has a spit-fire personality," I tell him, "Aidan Charles Mulder."

Mulder looks from Emma to Aidan and then back to me.

"Aidan and Emma, I like it," he says grinning.

A quiet knock comes from the door and Monica and John walk through it holding onto a sleeping William.

"How's everybody doing?" Monica asks.

"Everyone's doing just fine," I tell her grinning as I hold Emma in my arms.

"So what's the report?" John inquires.

"I'd like you to meet Aidan Charles and Emma Caitlin Mulder, weighing in at a healthy five and a half pounds a piece," Mulder says proudly displaying our kids.

"Aidan and Emma, huh?" John asks.

"Welcome to the world, even though it can be a strange one at times," Monica says as she moves closer to the kids, "May I?" she asks.   


I nod. She takes Emma into her arms and looks down at her.

"So this is what its all about?" she asks in amazement.

"You'll know exactly what its about in April," I tell her.

"Hopefully the future will be full of everything that we could ever want for our kids," she says, "everything that we could hope for."

"We've come a long way," Mulder says, "And we didn't get here alone."

"No, Mulder we didn't. We did it together."

Everyone is quiet in the room as we contemplate the future.

Aidan starts to cry, announcing that the future is already here...a safe place for us all. It has been a long journey for everyone. I lost Mulder and I was without my soul mate and our son, but I found them again and the life that we were never destined to have is now in our grasp. A life that looked bleak less than a year ago, a life without you is now out of the picture.

FIN

Author's Note: Thank you so much for all of the support throughout this story. I can't believe that this story went on for nearly six months! That's a long time for anything to be going on, including a story that I only intended to be a short one...but 70 pages later I'm happy to say that I decided to continue to write this alternate ending to the series. 

It has been a great ride and I'm glad that you all enjoyed it. Feedback helped me to make this one little idea into a 70 page/21 part story. Thanks so much for everything and please review...tell me what you think:)

~Jen

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